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Navigating the Storm: Understanding Sleep Regressions
Today we're diving into a topic that can send even the most seasoned parents into a frenzy: sleep regressions. Ah, yes, those pesky periods when it feels like all the progress we've made in your little one's sleep habits suddenly vanishes into thin air. But fear not, dear parents, because I'm here to shed some light.
What are sleep regressions
why do sleep regressions happen
how to navigate through these periods of stormy nights & bad naps with patience and grace.
What is a Sleep Regression, Anyway?
First things first, let's talk about what exactly a sleep regression is. Simply put, it's a temporary period when your baby or toddler experiences disrupted sleep patterns, often leading to more frequent night waking, trouble falling asleep, or shorter naps. These regressions can feel like a step backward in your sleep journey, leaving you feeling frustrated and exhausted.
Why Do Sleep Regressions Happen?
Now, you might be wondering, "Why, oh why, is my little angel suddenly waking up every hour again?" Well, sleep regressions can be triggered by various factors, such as developmental milestones, growth spurts, teething, illness, or changes in routine. Essentially, as your child's brain and body go through new stages of growth and development, their sleep patterns might temporarily get a bit wonky.
I have created a free guide on sleep regressions. In this guide I cover:
Common Ages for Sleep Regressions
How long does a sleep regression last
When will a sleep regression happen?
Identifying a sleep regression
Causes of sleep regressions
Tips for managing a sleep regression
Sleep regression resources
Remember, You're Not Alone
If you find yourself in the midst of a sleep regression storm, know that you're not alone. These phases are a normal part of your child's development, and with patience, love, and a bit of caffeine, you will weather this storm.
And remember, if you ever need a guiding hand or a listening ear, Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching is here for you. Together, we'll navigate these choppy waters and emerge stronger, well-rested, and ready to embrace the joys of parenthood.
Here's to smoother nights ahead, filled with sweet dreams and peaceful slumber.
Are you struggling with your child’s sleep? Could you use some support?
The first step to see if I can help you achieve beautiful, blissful sleep is to schedule a 60 minute ZOOM sleep strategy session. Go to this link and complete the contact me form and I will be in touch within 24 hours with directions on how to schedule your Sleep Strategy Session.
If you are still wondering if I can help, please know I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
Please join my Sleep is Bliss Tribe in Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn so we can stay connected and you can continue to get amazing resources on sleep and family wellness.
Sleep is Bliss, Let's Get you more!
Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching: Featured on "Letting Go With Aloha"
I have some thrilling news to share with all of you! I recently had the incredible opportunity to be featured on the "Letting Go With Aloha," platforms hosted by the amazing Karen Gibson. It was such an honor to discuss one of the most challenging aspects of parenting: getting our kids to sleep.
You can watch the discussion here on Instagram and here on Facebook.
In our interview, Karen and I dive deep into the mysteries surrounding children's sleep. We explore why sleep can be such a perplexing and elusive part of parenting and how crucial it is to a child's learning and development.
Sleep Challenges: Do These Sound Familiar?
Does your child need a ton of parental support to go to sleep?
Is bedtime taking WAY too long and WAY too too many steps?
Does your child wake up in the middle of the night and need that same level of support?
Is your child waking up with the birds before 6am?
Is your child cranky all day long?
Is your child skipping or fighting naps?
One child not sleeping well affects the entire family system on the daily. The good news? All sleep challenges are solvable.
As a certified Gentle Sleep Coach, I've dedicated my career to helping families navigate these often turbulent waters. Sleep is not just about rest; it's the cornerstone of healthy development and emotional well-being for our little ones. During our chat, I shared insights into the science of sleep, common pitfalls parents face, and practical tips to create a peaceful bedtime routine.
Key Points from Our Discussion:
Understanding Sleep Challenges: We talked about what qualifies as a sleep challenge and how to identify them in your child.
Joanna’s Story: I shared why I do what I do and my journey into the world of sleep coaching.
Conquering Fear in Kids: We discussed how to handle those "ninjas" that appear in parents' beds at night.
Dealing with Parents' Fear of Failure: Overcoming the anxiety that comes with sleep training.
Defining Sleep Skills Using Sleep Science: How understanding sleep can simplify the "sleep puzzle" and solve sleep struggles.
Book Recommendations: Essential reads to help you tackle sleep challenges.
Discovering Root Causes: Identifying medical conditions and sleep disorders that might be inhibiting sleep.
Sleep Coaching Methodologies: Effective strategies to improve your child's sleep patterns.
Karen's platforms, "Letting Go With Aloha," are dedicated to supporting parents and caregivers, and I am so grateful to have been a part of it. Her compassionate approach aligns beautifully with the values of Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching, where we emphasize a child-led, compassionate approach rooted in sleep science, behavioral science, and attachment theory.
I encourage you all to watch the video and join the conversation. Whether you're a new parent struggling with sleepless nights or a seasoned caregiver looking for fresh insights, there's something in this discussion for everyone.
More About Karen Gibson
Karen Gibson is a mother of two adult daughters, a wife, educator, author, and parent-family coach. Her mission is to support moms and dads navigating the rollercoaster parenting journey, helping them create a nurturing environment while raising resilient, responsible, and respectful children. She is the author of "Mama's Gotta Let Go: How to Let Go Without Losing Your Sanity," "100 Parenting Tips Inspired by the Pandemic," and is one of thirty authors featured in "The Power to Rise Above." You can connect with her on Instagram and TikTok at @LettingGoWithAloha and listen to her podcast, "Karen KC Gibson’s Letting Go with Aloha," on Spotify. Karen's online course, "Breaking the Cycle of Anxious Parenting: Simple Strategies for Raising Teens," is available on her website: LettingGowithAloha.com.
Her Positive Intelligence Parenting Program helps parents silence their inner critic, unlocking their parenting superpowers to effectively nurture resilient, responsible, and resourceful children. Email her at Karen@LettingGowithAloha.com for more details.
Stay connected with Karen:
Thank you for your continued support, and let's help our children—and ourselves—achieve blissful, restorative sleep!
Let's Normalize Asking for Help
Today, I want to chat about something that's near and dear to my heart: asking for help. Yep, you heard me right! Let's make it the new normal.
You see, as parents, we often put tremendous pressure on ourselves to have all the answers, to be the superhero in our child's life 24/7. But let's take a step back and remember something crucial: it's okay not to know it all. It's okay to seek support when we need it most.
Here's the thing: if your little one is sick, where do you turn? You head straight to the doctor, right? It's a no-brainer. So why should it be any different when it comes to other challenges our children face, like sleep issues or feeding struggles?
Your role as a parent is not to do it all yourself. It's not about having a magical manual that gives you all the answers. No, your job is to get your child what they need, plain and simple. And sometimes, what they need is the expertise of someone who's been there, done that, and has the strategies to help.
So, let's ditch the shame and guilt that often comes with asking for help.
Seeking guidance from a sleep coach, lactation consultant, or child psychologist doesn't mean you're failing as a parent. It means you're doing everything in your power to support your child's well-being.
Think of it this way: finding an expert who can lend a hand is a powerful act of love. It's saying, "Hey, I care so much about you that I'm going to bring in someone who can help us navigate this challenge together."
And guess what? This doesn't take away from your abilities as a parent. Not one bit. In fact, it shows just how committed you are to being the best parent you can be.
As our children grow older, our role as their support system evolves too. Just think about when they're gearing up for college applications or preparing for that first big job interview. We don't expect them to go it alone, do we? No way! We rally behind them, seeking tutors for that tough calculus class, coaches for the soccer team, advisors for career guidance. It's all part of the journey of helping them become independent, resilient adults. So, just as we don't hesitate to enlist the help of experts for these pivotal moments, let's apply that same mindset to the earlier years. Seeking support isn't a sign of weakness; it's a reflection of our dedication to giving our children the best possible start in life.
So, let's break down those barriers to asking for help. Let's create a community where reaching out for support is not only accepted, but celebrated. Because, at the end of the day, we're all in this wild, beautiful journey of parenthood together.
Here's a list of options for support in the early years, ranging from sleep coaches to various therapists and support groups:
Sleep Coaches: Experts who can provide guidance and strategies for improving your child's sleep habits and routines.
Feeding Therapists: Professionals who specialize in addressing feeding difficulties, whether related to breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, or introducing solids or picky eating or issues with food textures..
Lactation Consultants: Certified professionals who provide expert guidance and support for breastfeeding mothers, helping with latch issues, milk supply concerns, and more.
Potty Training Coach: Specialists who can assist with the sometimes tricky process of toilet training, offering personalized strategies and tips.
Vision Therapy: For children experiencing vision-related challenges, vision therapists can provide exercises and interventions to improve visual skills.
Occupational Therapy: Professionals who help children develop the skills needed for daily activities, such as fine motor skills, sensory processing, and self-care routines.
Parent Support Groups: Communities of like-minded parents who come together to share experiences, advice, and emotional support.
Prenatal, Birth, and Postnatal Doula: Trained professionals who offer physical, emotional, and informational support to expectant mothers during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period.
Physical Therapy: Therapists who work with children to improve physical abilities, strength, coordination, and mobility.
Remember, each child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Don't hesitate to explore these options and find the right fit for your child's needs. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness—it's a proactive step towards supporting your child's growth and well-being.
Here's to embracing the power of asking for help, to supporting one another, and, most importantly, to helping our little ones thrive.
So if you current is bedtime battles or many wake-ups at night than you might need some expert sleep support. Let’s start with some accurate and reliable information about the 5 things that kept your child awake last night.
Are you struggling with your child’s sleep? Could you use some support solving it?
The first step to see if I can help you achieve beautiful, blissful sleep is to schedule a 60 minute ZOOM sleep strategy session. Go to this link and complete the contact me form and I will be in touch within 24 hours with directions on how to schedule your Sleep Strategy Session.
If you are still wondering if I can help, please know I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
Please join my Sleep is Bliss Tribe in Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn so we can stay connected and you can continue to get amazing resources on sleep and family wellness.
Sleep is Bliss, Let's Get you more!
Meltdowns to Milestones: How Sleep Affects Your Child's Development
Today, let's delve into a topic that is close to my heart: the profound effects of sleep on our little ones' overall behavior and well-being. As a Pediatric Sleep Coach, I have had the privilege of guiding families towards restful nights and happier days. However, I have also witnessed firsthand the challenges that arise when a child doesn't get enough sleep.
Many parent’s who reach out because their child is not sleeping are also noting that their child is experiencing some of the following.
Bed wetting
Resistance to transitions
Slow Learning orLearning disabilities
Night terrors
Hyperactivity/ impulsiveness ( My baby is active and “spazzy”)
Anxiety
Behavior Issues
Clingy/separation anxiety
Irritable/Moody
Prone to illness
Not hitting developmental milestones
Can’t talk yet
Picky Eating & low appetite
Doesn’t nap well
Some of these issues could be caused by or magnified by insufficient sleep. Sleep plays a crucial role in a child's physical, emotional, and cognitive development. Adequate and restful sleep is essential for their overall well-being, behavior, learning abilities, and even their ability to regulate emotions and navigate daily challenges. While sleep doesn't solve all issues, it serves as a cornerstone for a child's health and development.
Can you see how your Child's Sleep is Impacting their Physical, Mental and Emotional Health?
Clingy/Separation Anxiety: When a child is overtired, they may become more clingy and fearful of separation from caregivers. This is often due to heightened emotions and a need for comfort and reassurance. Additionally, sleep disruptions can lead to feelings of insecurity, making it challenging for a child to feel safe when apart from loved ones.
Irritability/Moodiness: Perhaps one of the most common signs of inadequate sleep is irritability and moodiness. When a child is tired, they may become easily frustrated, have frequent meltdowns, and display unpredictable emotional reactions.
Prone to Illness: Sleep is vital for a healthy immune system. Children who do not get enough restful sleep may have weakened immune responses, making them more susceptible to illnesses such as colds, flu, and infections.
Not Hitting developmental Milestones: Adequate sleep is crucial for a child's growth and development, including reaching developmental milestones. When a child is sleep-deprived, their brain may not have enough restorative time to process and integrate new skills. This can result in delays in reaching milestones such as crawling, walking, talking, and other developmental achievements.
Delayed Speech Development (Can't Talk Yet): Sleep is essential for language development in young children. During sleep, the brain processes and consolidates new words and sounds. When a child is sleep-deprived, their ability to learn and retain language may be impaired, leading to delays in speech development.
Picky eating & low appetite : Sleep deprivation can affect appetite-regulating hormones, leading to changes in hunger cues. Some children may experience a decrease in appetite when they are tired, resulting in picky eating habits or reluctance to eat meals.
Bedwetting: Sleep plays a significant role in bladder control. Children who do not get enough restful sleep may have disruptions in their sleep cycles, including the deep sleep necessary to signal the brain to reduce urine production. This can lead to bedwetting, especially in children who are normally dry at night.
Resistance to Transitions: Children who do not get enough sleep may struggle with transitions, such as bedtime routines or changes in activities. This is because tiredness can make it difficult for them to shift focus or adapt to new situations.
Learning Disabilities: Chronic sleep deprivation can have a profound impact on cognitive function and learning. Children who do not get enough sleep may struggle with attention, memory, and problem-solving skills. This can result in difficulties in school, leading to challenges in academic performance and potential learning disabilities.
Night Terrors: Insufficient sleep can contribute to the occurrence of night terrors in children. Night terrors are intense episodes of fear and agitation that occur during deep sleep. When a child's sleep is disrupted or inadequate, they may be more prone to experiencing these frightening episodes.
Hyperactivity/Impulsiveness: Overtired children often display symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsiveness. This can be due to the body's attempt to combat fatigue by increasing adrenaline levels. The result is a child who seems constantly on the go, unable to settle down or focus on tasks. Sometimes parents feel they have an “active spazzy baby.”
Anxiety: Insufficient sleep can contribute to feelings of anxiety in children. When they are overtired, their bodies produce stress hormones, which can lead to increased feelings of worry and nervousness. Over time, chronic sleep deprivation can exacerbate anxiety symptoms, making it more challenging for children to cope with everyday stressors.
Behavior Issues: Lack of sleep directly affects a child's behavior. When they are tired, they may become irritable, moody, and have difficulty regulating their emotions. This can manifest as temper tantrums, outbursts, and general defiance. Additionally, tired children often struggle to concentrate and follow instructions, leading to behavioral challenges in school and at home.
Solving your child’s sleep struggles helps establish a baseline from which to assess other concerns, ensuring that exhaustion is not magnifying existing issues. As parents and caregivers, ensuring that our children get the recommended amount of quality sleep each night is one of the most important things we can do to support their growth and thriving. It sets the stage for their success, resilience, and happiness both now and in the future.
If you've noticed any of these signs in your child, know that you're not alone, and support is available. As always, I'm here to offer guidance and personalized strategies to help your little one drift off to dreamland and wake up refreshed, ready to conquer the day.
Here is a free guide that lists out the recommended sleep goals for all the different ages and stages of your child up to age 6.
Here's to peaceful nights and blissful days ahead!
The first step to see if I can help you achieve beautiful, blissful sleep is to schedule a 60 minute ZOOM sleep strategy session. Go to this link and complete the contact me form and I will be in touch within 24 hours with directions on how to schedule your Sleep Strategy Session.
If you are still wondering if I can help, please know I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
Please join my Sleep is Bliss Tribe in Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn so we can stay connected and you can continue to get amazing resources on sleep and family wellness.
Sleep is Bliss, Let's Get you more!
Help! Second child a bad sleeper - A True Story
This family's first child was a "dream sleeper."
Then came the 2nd baby.
This baby did not sleep.
These parents thought he would just "grow out of it".
Everyone was exhausted.
Work was impacted.
Parents were crabby.
Exhaustion and sleep deprivation were taking its toll on the whole family.
I see this situation so frequently. As parents, we embark on this new chapter with a blend of excitement and a touch of familiarity, having honed our skills from care-taking our first child.
Yet, what was once effortless with our first child can sometimes present unexpected challenges with the second (or 3rd or 4th child). The dynamics shift, and we learn that each child is wonderfully different. What worked like magic with one kiddo might not necessarily be the solution for the next.
My clients Meredith and Patrick were in this dilemma. Mom was "anti-cry-it-out" and so she just stayed in the struggle thinking cry-it-out was her only option. After an introduction from Grandpa, they finally reached out to Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching for support.
This family experienced a Total Family Sleep Transformation and felt supported during each phase of the process. They appreciated the science and reasoning behind the steps. Mom especially appreciated my child development knowledge and empathy for Mom's feelings. Now the family is well rested and meeting up with friends since the kids are sleeping!
-Meredith and Patrick W. Child was 13 months at time of guilt-free, gentle sleep coaching.
So please remember there is hope and help available. Every child can learn their sleep skills to become a fabulous sleeper. Here is a free guide to get you started on this process.
I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
Please join my Sleep is Bliss Tribe in Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn so we can stay connected and you can continue to get amazing resources on sleep and family wellness.
Sleep is Bliss, Let's Get you more!
5 Hidden health challenges that disrupt your child’s sleep: How a Sleep Coach Can Help
Behind the scenes of bedtime battles and midnight wake-ups, there might be underlying medical issues impacting your child's well-being. This is where a trained and certified baby and child sleep coach becomes a beacon of guidance, helping parents navigate the world of pediatric sleep disorders and their associated medical concerns.
The 5 Hidden Sleep Disruptors of Baby and Child Sleep
Beneath the surface of bedtime struggles and night terrors, child sleep disorders often have medical underpinnings. Here are some common issues a child sleep coach can help screen out and manage:
Low Ferritin Levels and Iron Deficiency: Chronic sleep deprivation can lead to disruptions in the body's ability to regulate essential nutrients like iron. Low ferritin levels, a sign of iron deficiency, have been linked to poor sleep quality in children. A sleep coach can work with parents to address sleep issues and collaborate with healthcare providers to monitor and manage nutritional concerns.
Sleep Apnea in Children: Although often associated with adults, sleep apnea can also affect children. This disorder, characterized by pauses in breathing during sleep, can lead to fragmented sleep, daytime sleepiness, and even behavioral issues. A child sleep coach can recognize the signs and recommend further evaluation by a pediatrician or sleep specialist.
Low Vitamin D- Vitamin D influences sleep quality and duration through receptors in the brain areas responsible for sleep regulation.This nutrient’s impact on sleep can indirectly affect children's cognitive development and overall growth due to the critical role sleep plays in these areas. Ensuring children receive sufficient sunlight exposure and maintain a diet rich in vitamin D, through fortified foods or supplements as recommended by healthcare providers, is crucial for their overall health and sleep quality.
Speech and Language Delays: Sleep disturbances, such as frequent night awakenings or poor sleep quality, can impact a child's ability to develop speech and language skills. By improving sleep habits and ensuring restorative rest, a sleep coach can support speech development milestones.
Motor Skill Development: Adequate sleep is crucial for a child's physical growth and motor skill development. Children who struggle with sleep might have delays in reaching milestones such as crawling, walking, and hand-eye coordination. A baby sleep coach can help create an environment conducive to optimal physical development through better sleep practices.
In the whirlwind of parenthood, the importance of finding the hidden blockers to quality sleep for children can sometimes be overlooked.
How a Child Sleep Coach Can Help
After 13 years of being a sleep coach, I frequently see this situation. There is a devoted parent who has read every book and scoured every online forum in search of the secret to getting her child to sleep through the night. Armed with an arsenal of techniques and methods, and they followed every expert tip to the letter. Yet, their little one continues to toss and turn, leaving both mother, child and family exhausted and bewildered. It usually isn't until the family reaches out to me, a trained Gentle Sleep Coach, for the insight and guidance, where the pieces of the puzzle finally fall into place. Together, we uncovered underlying medical challenges that were silently affecting this child's ability to rest soundly. This story is all too common and I wanted to share with everyone. When a child's sleep is disrupted, it can have far-reaching effects on their overall well-being and ability to thrive.
Spotting Sleep Disorders: Child sleep coaches are trained to recognize the signs of common sleep disorders in children, such as sleep apnea, insomnia, restless leg syndrome, low vitamin D and low ferritin (iron storage) and more. Through detailed assessments and discussions with parents, a tenured coach can identify potential issues that might be impacting your child's sleep.
Tailored Sleep Plans: Once a sleep disorder is identified, a child sleep coach crafts personalized sleep plans designed specifically for your little one. These plans often include age-appropriate routines, gentle sleep training methods, and strategies to improve sleep hygiene.
Monitoring Milestones: Child sleep coaches provide ongoing support and guidance as your child reaches important developmental milestones. They understand how sleep impacts speech development, motor skills, and cognitive abilities, and can adjust sleep plans accordingly.
A Child Sleep Coach Can Boost Your Baby and Child’s Sleep Quality
If you notice persistent sleep struggles, unusual patterns of snoring, or suspect your child is not getting the rest they need, consider reaching out to a child sleep coach for prosper evaluation and guidance. The journey to restful nights and happy, healthy days might be just a consultation away.
Partnering with a tenured trained and certified baby and child sleep coach is more than just finding solutions to bedtime battles and wake-ups; it's about fostering a nurturing environment where your child can thrive. With the compassionate support of a child sleep coach, you can create the bedtime routines and sleep habits that set your little one on the path to a bright and promising future.
The first step to see if I can help you achieve beautiful, blissful sleep is to schedule a 60 minute ZOOM sleep strategy session. Go to this link and complete the contact me form and I will be in touch within 24 hours with directions on how to schedule your Sleep Strategy Session.
If you are still wondering if I can help, please know I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
Please join my Sleep is Bliss Tribe in Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn so we can stay connected and you can continue to get amazing resources on sleep and family wellness.
Sleep is Bliss, Let's Get you more!
Do you and your Partner Feel like Bedtime is a chaotic “Divide and Conquer” battle?
In this video I am doing "hot seat coaching" for Gina C. in a classic situation where bedtime is a battle and she and her partner have to "divide and conquer" especially now that they have a new baby at home!
Gina’s 3 year old boy transitioned to the big-boy bed and consequently, there has been sleep drama ever since. The situation is leaving both mom and dad utterly exhausted, especially since they also have a newborn!
Being held "for just a little bit"
Tantrums
Crying
Carrying back to bed after he falls asleep
Waking up to "potty"
Falling asleep in the recliner
New baby at home
Nap refusal
Transition to big boy bed
Self Doubt- Questioning parental skills
Gina is asking "Will this ever end?" I am here to bring insight and clarity to a path forward to help her son achieve beautiful, blissful sleep!
I am so happy that Gina reached out for help. If you are thinking these same thoughts, don't grin and bear it. Sleep is a learned skill and we can create the right environment for any child.
Are you struggling with your child's sleep? Are you interested in an alternative to cry it out methods?
The first step to see if I can help you achieve beautiful, blissful sleep is to schedule a 60 minute ZOOM sleep strategy session. Go to this link and complete the contact me form and I will be in touch within 24 hours with directions on how to schedule your Sleep Strategy Session.
If you are still wondering if I can help, please know I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
Please join my Sleep is Bliss Tribe in Facebook,Instagram andLinkedIn so we can stay connected and you can continue to get amazing resources on sleep and family wellness.Sleep is Bliss, Let's Get you more!
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Hello? Hello, this is Joanna with Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching, and I'm going live today to do some hot seat coaching. I love doing this you guys. So I am super excited to do the hot seat coaching today for Gina SI from Texas. And she has a three-year-old son who has recently moved to the big boy bed in may. And ever since the transition has taken place,
it's been really challenging and Gina also has a newborn. So what I'm going to do for this hot seat coaching is Gina has filled out the, get your life back and all starts with sleep hot seat coaching forms. So she's given me a lot of details that I want to share with you so that you guys kind of have the full picture of her situation.
And then what I'm going to kind of go back and do and give her some recommendations and suggestions. So Gina, if you are here, you know, feel free to post a comment. So I know you're here as I move through this, I might be asking for some validation from you, like is, you know, am I getting these facts right?
Or does this sound like what you think is happening? Because it's kind of nice to have the, the back and forth in these hot seat. Coachings. If you're not here, it's not a problem because this will remain on Facebook live and I'll also be sending it out on email so that you can go back and watch the video. And if any of you are here and this,
and you can relate to what's going on, then obviously definitely chime in on that. Okay. So I'm going to jump right in here and I'm going to give you guys the backstory so that you know, what is happening with Gina. Okay. So recall she is a three-year-old boy and she said, and who just moved to the big boy bed in may.
So it's only been a couple of months. She says the bedtime or takes the bedtime routine, takes one to two hours. Her son will request to use the potty two or more times. He requests a sip of water or milk and, or a pat on the back, or he wants to have quiet time while dad sits in the rocking chair. Oftentimes he'll request to be held in dad arms for just a little bit,
which she's put that in quotes, which I think is great. Cause right, these two year olds there's three year olds can be so cute with their requests. She says, okay, depending on the night, one or two things that occurs after that, either the child will tantrum and cry or dad will eventually tire and carrying him to recliner in the living room until they both fall asleep,
dad will then carry him back to the room and place him in his bed fully asleep. Okay. So this is what's happening at bedtime. Now I also asked her, well, what happens in the middle of the night? And she said, okay. And the middle of the night, our son will walk into our bedroom, wake up, dad asked to go potty and then wants to be held again.
So whatever notably happens, his dad and her son will fall asleep in the recliner, in the living room. And then the child will be carried back to his bed. So you guys remember that they also have a newborn in the house. So we've kind of got one of those, you know, classic situations where it's like divide and conquer. Right.
So probably mom is with the newborn and dad is like, okay, I'm in charge of the three-year-old. Okay. She's also having issues with naps. Okay. And he says, because he transitioned to a twin bed in may, he will either play or refuse to nap. So on top of all the other things happening at bedtime in the middle of night,
now she has a three-year-old that doesn't want to nap during the day. Which of course we can all have extreme empathy for Eugena because you're no one in your households getting a break. You've got a three-year-old boy awake all day and having broken sleep at night. I am so, so sorry. And I'm here to help you today. Okay. I asked her how,
how, how do you feel, how do you feel professionally, personally, emotionally and physically. And she said his regression and his sleep schedule has left us both mom and dad utterly exhausted, especially since we're tending to the newborn. We do not see any light at the end of the tunnel. Excuse me. We do not see any light at the end of the tunnel.
And it really truly has this question about parental skills. So, you know what I want to say this for any of you listening now or those listen later, one of the hardest things about being a parent is we're constantly confronted with our own self doubt and self doubt can just be dilapidating. It can just be really emotionally exhausting because you're always second guessing yourself.
You're always wondering if there's a better way. You're always feeling guilty about whether or not you're doing it good or bad. So I, I definitely understand this dilemma that you're, you're questioning your parenting skills and when issues start happening with sleep, it is very common because we're already a little bit emotional, fragile from our, you know, lack of sleep and broken sleep,
you know? Cause we all know we get a more emotionally fragile when we are low on sleep. Then of course it brings this parental self-doubt right to the forefront. And so I just want you to know that it's not, that you're not a good mom or that you're not, you know, doing the, making the right choices in your parenting or that you need to up your game with your parenting skills.
It's more like the situation where you guys are all sleep deprived and it's confusing and you've probably tried lots of things and they haven't worked has now led you to this kind of avalanche of self doubt. It's not that your parental skills are non-existent okay. So I just want to kind of offer you some perspective and some encouragement there. So you don't keep beating yourself up because that's not going to help us here.
We need to go into this with recognizing that sleep is a learned skill and that we can absolutely solve this and that you have the potential you and your husband to work as a team to get sleep back on track. All right. So I asked her, what are the, what are some of the other crazy things going on in your head when you're thinking about this situation?
And she said, will this ever end, like, are we ever going to solve this? And she's wondering, is this just a typical three-year-old thing and he'll outgrow it? Or, or, or is this like the new normal, very important questions to ask because we don't want this to be the new normal. And so that's why I'm so happy that Gina is reaching out for help now,
and that she's not letting this situation continue and go into a state of, well, I guess I have a bad sleeper or well, I'll deal with it later. He'll grow out of it. Please, please, please. Any of you out there that are thinking those same thoughts, stop right. Alert. If you're having those thoughts, like, oh,
maybe my kid's just a bad sleeper or he'll, you know what, I'll just deal with it. He'll grow out of it. Anyone having those thoughts please stop. That is not the truth. Okay. Like I said, a couple of minutes ago, sleep is a learned skill and we can create the right atmosphere and the right environment for any child,
no matter what age and stage they're at to learn the skills of sleep. So this is not something to grunt, you know, to just grin and bear it. This is not something to just give up and go. I, you know, whatever, I guess I'll just deal with it. No, we can absolutely move forward with a resolution and have everybody sleeping because we want that.
We want that for your child for healthy growth and development. And we want that for you from a parenting point of view so that you can be at your, at your very best while you're on this parenting journey. Okay. So, so her big question is, okay, how do we get this routine down to 30 minutes or less without a tantrum and with overall good participation with the three-year-old.
So we will discuss that. And then she said, okay, and if all this happened, if you were able to help me with this, how would life feel? And she said, life would be more enjoyable. And I, instead of us driving both bath time and bedtime, which of course you guys, there's nothing worse than dreading the bedtime routine because sometimes that dreads starts hitting you at like 11:00 AM.
It doesn't even hit you at five. It's like creeping up on you all day long. And I don't want you to drive bedtime. I want you to feel like you've got, you've got bedtime, like a beautiful routine that you can rely on and depend on. And the bedtime can be a time with, you know, that runs smooth and where your child feels emotionally connected and versa.
Okay. So that is the backstory going on with Gina. So now let's talk about what's going on here and then we'll talk about where to solve it. All right. So first of all, let me give you guys plenty of context. Three-year-olds big boy beds. You as a, probably heard me say this before, but the transition to the big boy bed or the big girl bed is a massive vulnerability for sleep progression.
And in fact, I have a sleep regression guide that I'm going to put in the chat right now so that you guys can download this. And in fact, Cina, hopefully you can go grab this guide and download it instant, download free. And it reviews all the massive sleep regression reasons and gives you some specific directions on how to unravel it. But the transition to the big boy bed and the big girl bed is a massive vulnerability for sleep progression.
And the reason why is that if you don't prepare in advance for the transition, lots of shenanigans show up. And if your child had not been a great sleeper before the transition or the sleep skills were a little shaky or there were no sleep skills. And what I mean by that is if prior to the transition to the big boy bed, if your child was still dependent on anything being done to,
or for them at the onset of sleep at bedtime in order to go to sleep, or if your child, when they were still in the crib needed assistance to go back to sleep in the middle of the night, then you are already set up right from the start to have a miserable transition to the big boy bed. Okay? So remember you guys asleep crutch,
there's nothing wrong with sleep crutches. You can have them for long periods of time, but asleep crutch really is where a child needs you to do something to inform them in order to go to sleep. If that child moves from the crib to the big boy bed and still has to have a menu of things that you have to do to, and for your child in order to go to sleep or to go back to sleep,
they will carry over those requirements into the big boy bed scenario. But the problem is is that in the big boy bed scenario, it accelerates because now they have freedom to get up and to move around. And we also, you know, with three-year-olds, it is they're notorious for bedtime, stalling and requesting. And so you add the freedom, the existing sleep crutches and the,
the normal behavior of stalling and requesting, and it ends up creating kind of, you know, essentially the firestorm, which is exactly what you're living. So let's, let's talk about the, the stalling and the requesting for a second. So children that are two, three, and up until about four years of age are notorious for pushing boundaries. And they do this through requesting,
installing. It usually starts around dinner time and you can see it accelerating as you move closer and closer to trying to actually turn off the lights. They come up initially with some pretty legitimate requests, such as I need to go potty. I need another hug. You know, I need some more water. And so you're thinking to yourself, okay, you know,
that that's easy for me to do. I want to make sure I'm being attentive to my child. So I'll take the potty one more time or I'll offer them some more water or some more, you know, a cheese stick because they say they're hungry, but you ha what you have to realize about these requests is that the request typically is not about the thing they're asking for.
It's actually about engagement. Their desire is to con is to begin to stall and delay the bedtime. And so they're going to think of every sneaky way in order to delay. And every single time they ask for something and we get into a dialogue with them and we all, and we, you know, accommodate the request. They're like expanding the amount of time it takes for you to kind of execute the bedtime routine.
So the, so as it relates to this mom, like your, the bedtime problems, aren't starting at the time that dad tries to put them in the bed with a tantrum, it's probably starting at least an hour before. So we need to kind of go back in time and say to ourselves, okay, what's really happening around dinner time. Because if,
if you have to really get into a very smooth routine, that is the same every single night, right? So that you can accommodate the requests before the request comes. And that you're moving in this very sequential way, that the chin, depending on the pattern. Now I know this is hard during summer, right? We have swim lessons. We have like barbecues,
things are happening. But when you were in the middle of a sleep dilemma, like this, Gina, you're going to have to kind of go into sleep coaching mode for probably a solid two weeks. And what I mean by that is you're going to have to be home for dinner, home for bath home, for bedtime. You're going to have to really go back to the basics and,
and, and ask yourself if you're meeting your child's appropriate sleep window, especially with the fact that he has now been refusing to nap. We've got a big problem here because he's probably already going into bedtime, utterly exhausted. And instead of him being tired and crashing out, which would be the easier thing for you and your husband, he's probably really wired and tired.
And so the potential for more stalling, more requesting and definitely more tantrums is right there. It's like a spotlight. Okay. And so typically at this age, from the time a child wakes up in the morning to the time they're ready for nap, number one is typically no longer than a five to six hour interval. And then from the time they wake up from their nap to the time they're asleep at bedtime,
not getting ready to go to sleep, but literally like already asleep is typically no more than four to five hours. So what the key thing is is that you're going to probably have to go back and do some investigative work by doing some sleep logging, to really start getting a understanding how you might be missing the sleep window, both at nap, time and bedtime,
which is why it's lowering the probability for those two things to occur, especially if he is skipping his nap. Like if you're having a hard time getting nap back on track, because bedtime is so crazy, then his bedtime is going to be really early. I mean, his bedtime might be like six or six 30. And so going back to like,
you're going to go and sleep training mode, you know, this means like you're also not traveling, right? You're not having guests. You're, you're just really dedicating yourself to identifying the naptime sleep windows and the bedtime sleep windows and making sure that you have a very, very smooth transition going into bedtime because you don't want to catch him over tired or else you're just gonna leave yourself vulnerable for all of these tantrums and more delays.
The other thing we have to do is we have to address the situation at the, at, at the scene of the crime, which is kind of like when dad does bedtime routine, when we aren't being consistent in how we attend to our child, we actually create them to tantrum more. So I know dad is trying to do the best he can because he's helping you with the newborn and he's got a broken sleep himself.
But the fact that sometimes dad holds them in his arms and sometimes doesn't, and sometimes it's, you know, the, the, this kind of inconsistency on how dad decides to handle the time is probably one of the reasons why you're seeing an increase in protest, tears, and tantrums. So you're going to have to go back to you and husband, sit down and kind of come up with a very specific way that you're going to handle it,
the bedtime routine. So this kind of goes back to my trusty book that I recommend all moms have on their bookshelf, which is good. Night's sleep tight by Kim west. What I love about this book is that you do not have to read the whole book, cause I know no mother has time, but what I want both of you guys to do husband and wife is to read understanding tears,
which is like literally a page and a half, but it's going to start giving you the mindset that you need to be taking. When you go into sleep training mode, you are the coach. You were there to help your child regulate and create the right environment and circumstances for learning. You are not there to sleep, crutch them. So getting into the right mindset is like one of the most important things you can do to support your child.
The second thing I want you guys to do is I want you to specifically read the section on three-year-olds and I want you to read the section on transitioning to a big boy bed, because in that it's going to lay out a specific day-by-day step-by-step plan. And it's going to be really important that both husband and wife read the chapters and that you guys come together kind of at the dining,
you know, dining room table and have like what I call a business meeting, which is like, okay, we've both read the chapters. This is what I think might work well for our child. Look at the family calendar and decide kind of what your night one is going to be. Okay. So when you start to sleep coaching, it's not something random.
It's not something like, I need to figure this out right now, and I'm going to start it tonight, or I'm going to start it tomorrow night. It's really not like that. You have to think of sleep. Coaching is like going on a diet, right? Like when you really are serious about a weight loss journey, you are being very mindful.
Like, okay, am I going to do keto? Or am I going to do whole 30? Or am I going to be, you know, go vegan. And then you're going to, you know, evaluate your pantry in your freezer. And you're going to get your meal plans together and you're going to batch cook and you're going to plan your meals.
And you're going to alert all your friends and family that you're doing this so that everyone will support you. And you're going to give yourself a long period of time to onboard yourself with getting used to your new diet profile and your new eating habits. And then you're going to allow time for the body to adjust to it. And then eventually you're going to start seeing some weight loss over the course of time.
That's the mindset you need to go into with sleep coaching. Like this is something that you go in with very mindfully. You, you, you, you, you absolutely need to do it with the support of your partner. So it is a joint decision by husband, you know, by the two partners you plan in advance, you decide on your methodology,
you decide on your plan. You decide who the sleep coach is going to be. My recommendation is, is that whoever the sleep coach is going to be in this particular situation needs to be the same person for both bedtime and middle of the night for seven days, straight at a minimum, then you can probably consider switching to the other caregiver, but in genus specific situation,
I think that consistency is going to be paramount because there's already been a tremendous amount of inconsistency, which has created the additional tantrums. And so we need to kind of calm that down. And by having the same caregiver, do the same routine and it, and respond to the child the same way at bedtime and in the middle of the night, it's going to help calm and give that balanced platform for learning that learning environment that I keep talking about.
And, and then once you guys have your plan, you know, you're going to look at the family calendar and decide when your night one is going to be. And because your child is three, it's going to be really important to loop him in, in this process and let him understand that, like, you know, we're going to make some changes because we want to have a really fun summer.
And, you know, everyone needs really good sleep. I need good sleep. You know, your daddy, the baby, everyone needs good sleep. And so we're going to work really hard on your sleep and you have the child participate with you. You'll probably see. And in the book, there's a recommendation for sleep manners book. I would absolutely do that in advance.
Again, this is one of those kind of pre-training things you would do. You would get a sleep manners book so that your child knew what the routine was, what the expectations were. You would role play around how the, how the child is going to expect you to respond that way you minimize the frustration and the tears and the tantrums, because everything is aligned between parents.
The child knows what's coming, you've role-played with them. And you've created the sleep manners book. So they know what their expectations are. Then you start your night one and you do your night one. And then the next morning you sit down as a family and discussed what went well and what didn't go well, and what we need to plan and change for night two.
And obviously with the three-year-old, what you can often do is role-playing with them. So if you had some, if they did some things really well in their, in their sleep routine, you want to praise, praise, praise them. Absolutely. And if there were some things where they were a little bit shaky, not a problem that's to be expected because they're learning a new skill,
then you would go and practice what was really hard for them, so that they could kind of do better during the daylight hours. So that when you go back into bedtime that night, there's a higher probability of them feeling comfortable and confident to do better because now they know what is being expected of them. And again, all parents are clear on what the plan is,
and you'll probably have to, like I said, stay focused on this for a solid two weeks. Now, if your child never learned sleep skills to begin with, and you're like, oh my gosh, like he was a mediocre or bad sleeper in the crib. And now I'm expecting him to be a perfect sleeper in a big boy bed. Then that's to me like regular,
like you need to like stop right now, call a trusted, certified, gentle sleep coach. And you'll probably need support on actually sleep training your child from top to bottom because they never learned the sleep skills. And if they don't have the sleep skills already embedded, when they were at crib sleeper, it is going to be much harder for them to learn those same skills under the new environment.
And in that situation, since you guys are already feeling really exhausted and depleted, you're probably going to need some expert support to walk you day by day, step by step and customize the process to meet you guys where you are and his learning profile with his age and stage. And also for you guys, because your parents have a newborn as well. But if he previously had good sleep skills,
then I think that, that you going back into this book and collaborating with your husband and collaborating with your child, it's really going to give you that foundational piece that I think you kind of jumped over. You kinda missed when making that transition in may and in terms of how do I get this routine down to 30 minutes? Okay. Typically a routine from the time you start bath to the time they're asleep is usually 30 to 45 minutes.
So what I just described in him going through this new learning process, you will get down to that. And like I said, in terms of what time will he go to bed? I mean, I, if he's literally refusing nap or growing out of his nap, you know, he might be as, as bad as early as 6, 6 30 every night,
and you'll have a quiet house. And this idea of, I want really good participation from my son. That's where that sleep enters book and the role-playing becomes really, really imperative. And again, this is something to, to, to prepare for and plan before you try to execute the, the actual sleep plan on the night when a coaching. And so,
you know, for those of you that are like, oh my gosh, this sounds like me. I can't believe it. I never sleep, train my baby in the crib. And now I'm trying to make this big transition to the big boy bed or the big girl bed. No wonder it's not working. Like, don't worry about it. Don't beat yourself up.
Remember, we're not going to go down that self-doubt road, just recognize that there's hope and help to be had. Like you can absolutely reach out to a trained and certified gentle sleep coach. You do not. This does not mean you have to cry it out. This, this is just a powerful learning opportunity for your child to learn lifelong independent sleep skills.
And, and as you guys know, obviously, cause you're here and listening, I'm a gentle sleep coach. So I do not believe in cried out. And the first step in working with me, where I can assess your situation is to do a Sleep strategy session, which is a 45 minute session on zoom with me, where I'm able to assess your situation and offer insight and perspective and talk about the different ways that you can this situation.
And I, those of you that are thinking, like, I just need to talk to somebody and ask my questions and hear my story. That would be the first step. I do want everyone to know I am going on family travel. We're staying, you know, local in California, but I'm definitely gonna try to do a digital detox. So I will not be on Facebook or doing any client consults or sleep strategy sessions starting.
Let's see, let me just get you guys the right timing, starting the 18th through about August 2nd. So you can absolutely email me. I might be a little bit slow to respond because I'm trying to stay as far away as possible from my phone and my computer. We'll see if I can do it. I, I, I love my job so much.
It's hard for me to stay away, but I'm going to try to do that because my family really wants me to, and I think I probably need a little bit of a mental mental break. So thank you so much for being here. Those of you that are listening to this later, always feel free to do hashtag you know, replay and I'll know to go back and answer your questions after you've watched the video and those of you that are watching this thinking,
oh my God, that sounds like my friend. Please share this video with them so that they can get insight and perspective too. All right. Take care. Bye.
Exploring Nervous System Dynamics in Sleep Coaching with Chantal Donnelly
Did you know that children under age 9 look to the parents nervous system to determine if they should be in fight, flight or freeze state?
In the realm of parenting, including when it comes to sleep coaching, understanding the intricate dance between a parent's nervous system and their child's nervous system is crucial. I recently sat down with Chantal Donnelly, a physical therapist, author of Settled and founder of Body Insight, to delve into this vital topic.
The conversation revolves around the three crucial phases of sleep coaching and how a parent's regulation impacts their child's ability to self-soothe. Chantal gives us tips and tools on regulating yourself so you can best support yourself AND your child.
Listening to the interview, Chantal will demonstrate many EASY and FAST tools to use to regulate your nervous system before interacting with your child. Below I overview a few key areas of family life when checking in with your body and nervous system can make the difference between a smooth family time and bedtime vs own of struggle and irritation.
Transitioning Home and Preparing for Bedtime
As parents transition from work life to family life, it's essential to allow themselves moments of transition. Rushing home only signals stress to the nervous system. Simple rituals like the alternating touch technique, where one sweeps their arms from shoulder to fingertips, or the butterfly hug, can help calm the nervous system before diving into bedtime routines.
Bedtime Routine and Initial Sleep Coaching
During the bedtime routine, parents often find their minds wandering, thinking about to-do lists or upcoming tasks. Mindfulness techniques, such as focusing on sensory experiences like temperature or light in the room, can ground parents in the present moment. By staying regulated during this phase, parents set the stage for successful sleep coaching.
Active Sleep Coaching
When actively engaging in sleep coaching with a frustrated or upset baby, parents must maintain their regulation. Tools like the panoramic vision technique, where one softens their gaze and takes in the entire room, can help parents stay present and calm. Entrainment breathing, matching the baby's breathing rhythm before gradually slowing down, can also facilitate co-regulation and soothe the child.
Throughout the discussion, it becomes evident that a parent's state directly influences their child's ability to self-regulate. By prioritizing their own regulation, through simple techniques and mindfulness practices, parents can create a nurturing environment conducive to healthy sleep habits.
Chantal emphasizes the importance of self-compassion, acknowledging that parenting is inherently challenging and stressful. By incorporating these tools into their daily routines, parents not only enhance their ability to support their child's development, but also cultivate resilience and calmness within themselves.
So without further ado, let's dive into the interview and uncover the secrets to unlocking the power of co-regulation with Chantal Donnelly.
In today's fast-paced world, understanding the intricate interplay between a parent's nervous system and their child's is paramount. Through insightful conversations like this one, coupled with practical tools and techniques, parents can navigate the journey of sleep coaching with confidence and compassion. As Chantal's work continues to illuminate the path to self-regulation and calmness, parents everywhere can find solace in knowing that they have the power to foster a peaceful environment for themselves and their children.
More about Chantal
Chantal Donnelly is a physical therapist and author of the Amazon best-selling book Settled: How to Find Calm in a Stress-Inducing World. She is also the owner of Body Insight, a wellness company designed to help people reconnect with their bodies and improve their health.
She combines her anatomy and physiology knowledge and experience with nervous system science to help people with chronic pain, overwhelming stress, and stress-related illnesses. Through videos, workshops, and her book, Chantal teaches body-focused tools for calming the nervous system. She believes that stress fluency can make the world a better place.
Website: https://www.bodyinsight.com/
Facebook Link https://www.facebook.com/BodyInsightInc
Instagram Link https://www.instagram.com/bodyinsightinc/
Youtube Link https://www.youtube.com/user/BodyInsight
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/chantal-donnelly-0a69157/
If you want to learn more about her book and some tools you can go to these 2 podcasts.Empowered Relationships Podcast
Are you struggling to get your child to sleep?
The first step to see if I can help you achieve beautiful, blissful sleep is to schedule a 60 minute ZOOM sleep strategy session. Go to this link and complete the contact me form and I will be in touch within 24 hours with directions on how to schedule your Sleep Strategy Session.
If you are still wondering if I can help, please know I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
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Sleep is Bliss, Let's Get you more!
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Hello, I am Joanna with Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching. And I'm here with Chantal Donnelly, a physical therapist and author of an incredible book that I am reading and devouring called Settled, how to Find Calm in a Stress-Inducing World. And she's also the founder of a wellness company called Body Insight. Thank you Chantal, so much for being here. Thanks for having me.
Okay. So I have been reading Chantal's book and being part of her book club over the last four weeks. And I'm learning so much about what it means to self-regulate, and I think it's important for any human being to understand their nervous system, which I never understood to the level of detail that Chantal has helped me know and understand. And so I wanted to have Chantal come on today to talk about this really critical understanding of how a parent's nervous system and a baby's nervous system interact and how we can help the parent's nervous system remain calm,
centered and balanced when they're in a sleep coaching mode with their child while they're trying to improve their child's sleep. So we have a lot to discuss today, so thank you Chantal. Yeah, yeah. Super important for the parent to stay as regulated and calm as possible. And before we started recording, you were telling me about how your first three sessions of sleep coaching are the most difficult,
because that's when the baby is really frustrated with all the change that's starting to happen. I am gonna guess that even though the parent isn't conscious of it, their nervous system is also really frustrated. Even though they want their child to go to sleep, the nervous system likes the status quo. It doesn't like change. Ah, interesting. Okay. So it's gonna be the baby who doesn't like change as well as the parent.
There's a little bit of that going on even though you're not aware of it. Okay. So tell us, so explain the interaction between a parent's nervous system and a baby's nervous system. So if you have a premature baby, first of all, their calming nervous system, their parasympathetic nervous system has not completely developed yet. That happens at the very end of the third trimester.
So that's gonna, so if a baby is premature, they're gonna still be in that developmental phase. Okay. Okay. So that's number one. Yeah. That is important. Yeah. The, if you have a child who isn't premature who was born on schedule, then that child's nervous system is developed, but it's not formed its preferences yet. So it's,
it's a, it's a newborn nervous system. Right? So like anything else, it's gonna take a little while for the baby to actually understand how to self-regulate. And what happens is children under the age of nine look to the parent's nervous system to decide if they're going to be in freeze, in fight or flight or in calm. And I mean, think about it.
Have you ever seen a child be calmer than the parent? No, It doesn't happen. It can't generally, right. They can look like they're calmer, but that's usually because they're in freeze, they're in shutdown, or they're, you know, completely paralyzed by stress. That's when it looks like they're calmer than the parent. 'cause the parent might be running around like a chicken with their head cut off in,
in fight or flight and the kid is just sort of frozen, but really they're in freeze. They are not calmer than, than the parent. It's just almost impossible for that to happen. Okay? Right. So in other words, it is for us as, as parents, especially parents of young children up until age nine, it is really important for us to understand where we are standing on the spectrum of self-regulation.
And when, when a parent's doing something really new, like learning how to be a sleep coach to their child, they're coming into this experience sleep deprived, they're coming into this experience having probably already tried some attempts at sleep coaching and it's failed. So in the back of their mind, there's this big question mark, like, how can, how will this time be different?
Or a big question mark of maybe my baby's gonna be the toughest baby on the planet to learn to sleep and everyone else has been lucky but me. And then they also know that they're gonna have to go do what they think is this really hard thing and they're not sure if they really have the stamina to, to, to, to be the sleep coach.
So, you know, one of the things that happens when in those first three to four nights, which are the most important, is the, I feel like there's three stages that a parent might be in where they need to double check their regula, their own personal self-regulation. So stage one would be they've just come home from work, they're transitioning from work life to family life.
Okay. So that might be like, okay, now I'm home, we're doing family dinner, I'm helping, you know, get the babies, you know, bathed and everything. So it's kinda like, okay, how to make that transition. Then the second phase would be, alright, now I'm the sleep coach and I am with this child doing a final feed and reading books before I put them in the crib.
Am I regulated even in that what's supposed to be this relaxing, reliable bedtime routine? Am I even reg showing up regulated in that phase? And then the third phase would be, my child is now in the crib and I'm in active sleep coach mode, meaning I am there to support my child as they learn how to regulate, settle, and soothe themselves.
But in those first three to four nights, the role of the coach is to be the regulator, the child, because of what Chantal just said, that that, that they have an underdeveloped nervous system and the parent is the one that is the co-regulation. So what Chantel's gonna do today is take us through each of those three phases and talk about tools and things to consider for yourself so that you're really ready to show up being your best self when you are helping your child learn these new skills.
Yeah. There's definitely different things you can do at the, the three different stages. First thing I would wanna say is, coming into this, you wanna have as much self-compassion as you possibly can because being a parent, whether you were trying to get a child to sleep or just trying to parent on any regular day, is very difficult and very stressful.
And we, you shouldn't expect yourself to always be calm through it, all of that. Like, there are gonna be times that you're gonna be stressed as a parent, right? A hundred percent. Right. And, and not to feel like that is some kind of fa a failure or a weakness because absolutely not. It's just a normal natural way that things work.
So that's number one. And so when you're coming home from work or, or coming to that transition of coming into back into family and getting ready, you know, dinner time, bath time, whatever it is, getting ready to go into the sleeping phase, that second phase, the first thing I would say is that if you are rushing to do that,
which we often are and don't have a choice, right? 'cause our time is limited and we've gotta leave work at a certain hour and blah, blah, blah. If you are rushing your nervous system, we'll think you are under stress. Yep. So allowing yourself to slow down a little bit, particularly the closer you get to home is helpful. And then having a little bit of a transition ritual.
And it can be a 32nd ritual. It doesn't have to be a big ordeal, but just 30 seconds where maybe you're still in the car before you get out of the car to go into the house. And it's something that you can do to just let your body know that you are transitioning and that you're going into a, a more settled state right before you get with the family.
And one of those tools, there is many different tools. There can be a breathing tool, there can be something, what we call cross body alternating touch tool. You can use your eyes as a tool, you can use mindfulness as a tool. There's a whole bunch of things. What I find that really works well for transitioning is the alternating touch tool.
Yeah. Can you show us that one? Sure. There's lots of different tools there, but the one that I like to use is I just take my right hand and I place it on the top of my left shoulder, and then I just sweep my arm down towards my fingers and then I use the other side of the body left hand to right shoulder and sweep.
Yeah. And you can keep your arms on your steering wheel or wherever by your side depending on where you are. Right. And you can just do this a couple of times, 30 seconds. That's it. Right? That's all you need to do. And, and that alternating touch has been shown to calm your amygdala. Your amygdala is where there's a fear center of your,
your brain. And it has been shown to calm the fear centers of the brain. And so, you know, going into this situation where, oh my, I'm gonna have to get my child to sleep and I have to do this successfully. There's a little bit of fear there, right? And so this is just sort of calming everything down, sending a message from the body up to the brain that you are safe,
that everything's okay, and to just sort of settle that nervous system when you do it, you should feel a slowing of your breath, perhaps a deepening of your breath. You're going to feel your heart rate come down a slow down a little bit. Maybe the tension in your shoulders from your workday is gonna release a little bit tension in your jaw. Maybe your stomach might feel a little bit looser,
not so clenched. You might just feel a little more expansive, maybe a little warmer. Those are the signs that your nervous and Also sometimes saliva Increased salivation is, yeah, That's what happens to me. I take a deep breath and then I can feel an increase in saliva in my mouth. And then I know the tool's working. And what's amazing about these tools is that,
like she says, they only take like 15 to 30 seconds. I mean, I, I've been doing several of these tools frequently and usually within the first 15 seconds I can feel my breath getting deeper and more saliva in my mouth. And then I am, I know I'm taking care of myself and I'm calming my nervous system down. It's pretty powerful.
Yeah. So I love that idea of not rushing, having a little transition ritual. And maybe that transition ritual is something as simple as the side arm sweeps Yeah. Before you come back into the homestead with the family. Yeah. I love that. This is a little, little woo woo. But what I add to my little transition ritual after I do this is just sort of three little sweeps where I'm just sort of like washing the day away,
kind of like blah. Right. Just get that day the workday off of you. Yeah. And it's just sort of a, again, it's just a symbolic ritual of, okay, I'm going from work to home now. Right? And this is even true if you're, you know, coming out of your home office, right? I mean, let's not be fooled that making the transition from home office back out into family life is,
is not a transition. In fact, it can be almost a bigger transition than doing the car ride. 'cause at least in the car ride, you're like, you know, have time to think or listen to music or whatever. But sometimes just stepping out, you know, two feet into the, into the household can, can be a big change.
That's a good point. Okay. Now let's talk about kind of like there you are, you're a parent. You're like, all right, I've made the successful transition. I've helped my baby get ready for bed. And now I'm the sleep coach and I'm in my first, you know, you know, one to four days of sleep coaching and I'm nervous,
I'm scared. I hope this is gonna work. Hopefully I've got Joanna on my team as the sleep coach. But if you don't, you know, 'cause I would be coaching you on all of this to really get you really geared up. But if you're doing this on your own, then you would just be able to say, okay, so now I'm in the room with the baby.
And the thing about babies, you guys, whether they are six months old or 10 years old, whenever there's a change of pattern, there will be frustration and confusion. And when children are frustrated and confused, they will protest. It is normal human response to change. But when we are parents and we are already sleep deprived and probably a bit frazzled when we hear our babies' protest,
you know, we have that visceral response like, okay, I gotta go do something. Right? And the thing about gentle sleep coaching is there's lots you can do to settle your child, but it matters what state you're in before you go try to do that loving approach. Like picking up or the loving song or the loving pat. So this is what we're talking about.
It's like we're talking about your state in direct relationship with your baby, because their nervous system below age nine is underdeveloped. And their nervous system depends on your nervous system. So we're in the room, we're in phase two, now we're in the room, baby's in the crib, baby's had the bottle or the F of or the bedtime feed. Baby's been read to baby's in the,
in the crib at the right sleep window. So you know, you've done everything right and baby's frustrated because this is night two of coaching and baby still is waiting for mom to show up to breastfeed. And the dad starts freaking out and being like, oh my God, what can dad do? So if dad hasn't picked the baby up yet, then he can use tools with his hands to self-soothe.
So another tool that is the alternating touch tool would be the butterfly hug. So he can, what you do is you take your hands, palms facing, you cross the hands and interlock the thumbs, and then you place your hands on your chest so that your fingers are just under your collarbones. And then you're gonna tap one side of the body and then the other side.
So it's alternating touch, right? You can tap fast, you can tap slow, you can tap hard, you can tap light's totally up to you, but you just need to do this for about 30 seconds. So this is another alternating touch that's an option for a dad or a mom who's in that situation. Because as soon as you hear your,
your child cry, particularly if it's a a, a more desperate cry, your nervous system is gonna signal danger, right? So you need to tell your body to tell your brain that there is no danger, right? And so things like butterfly hug, what another thing you can do breathing wise is a long exhalation. We know that when you inhale,
your heart rate goes up a little bit and when you exhale, your heart rate goes down a little bit. So you can use that physiological phenomenon by lengthening the exhale. So you can inhale for three counts, for example, and then exhale for six counts. That's also gonna send a message up to the brain that you were not stressed. So good.
And you know, what's fascinating about this is that no one taught us this. That I am, you know, because of you and your book and your work and being a, you know, resilience toolkit facilitator, which is all about building, building resilience in the body, is this idea that what's happening in the body is sending messages to the brain.
So we think all the messages are coming from the brain, but they're actually coming from the body up to the brain. And so when we're feeling nervous or stressed or something, it's, it's all starting here, but we don't know that we think it's all happening up here. Right. Our thoughts can certainly augment it, that's for sure. Yeah. Yeah.
So, you know, maybe this is, maybe all you guys know about this already, but I, I feel like I've been having kind of an awakening in reading her book and just understanding my, my mind body connection a little bit more deliberately. Yeah. And testing these things out, like as part of her book club, she's got homework for us.
I was a little delin delinquent on my homework, but I'm gonna start doing it again. And because I know ultimately it's gonna help me, you know, that's why I wanted Chantal to come today to just help us all. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So that's where, there you are, we're in phase two. Like you're, you're, you're coaching you,
you don't have the baby in arms, right? So you are realizing, so you can do more of this, More of the arm sweeps. Yep. Can do. But butterfly hug, you can do the long exhalation. Now if those are not working, another one you can try is doing a neck massage. It's specifically your sternocleidomastoid muscle. SCM muscle goes from behind the ear and goes down to your collarbone,
right? Where your collarbone and your throat kind of meet up. So you don't have to worry that you're on the muscle specifically, but just raking from behind the ear down to the collarbone talks to the sternocleidomastoid. And that muscle is innervated by a cranial nerve that's very, very close to your vagus nerve. And your vagus nerve is your calming nervous system.
So those two nerves interconnect and can help you to regulate, I think of this muscle as sort of being a portal to the calming nervous system. And so that's something that really works for people is just massaging right behind the ear and going down to the collarbone. Sometimes just staying behind the ear and just massaging back there can be really helpful for people. Yeah.
And again, these are just gentle movements. These are not, you know, intense, you know, just, you don't have to press hard. I mean, I went, the first time I did butterfly, I was going, you know, like really fast. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, you can,
you don't have to do it slow, but you don't need to like, you know, Don't beat yourself up For the moon. You know, so, you know, like that. Right? So there, that's okay. All right. So now we're in a situation where you have the baby in arms. Yep. And the baby's not calming down.
And that's probably because you either overstimulated the baby or you're in power struggle with the baby or, and or it probably means you are still dysregulated. Yeah. I think if you, if there's a power struggle happening or the baby is feeling overstimulated, you're trying too hard and you're probably trying too hard because you are stressed, you're in fight flight, right?
So you're fighting through this, you're pushing through a little aggressively. And again, this could be very unconscious. You could be doing this and not really knowing that you're pushing too much, but you're just trying so hard. Right. And you're a little stressed about it. And so that comes across to a very new nervous system as too much. Yeah.
Right? I call it flooding. Mm. I try to explain flooding because parents seem to really resonate. Like, oh my gosh, you're right. When I went to go do that third pickup in a row, you know, me coming at the baby with my arms with my big nervous system on fire, I'm like literally flooding the baby with all of that energy and then the baby isn't calm even when I do the most loving thing,
which is to pick them up. They are not downregulating with me. And it's not because you're doing it wrong, but because you guys are, you know, your nervous systems are clashing, right? So let's talk about what you do when you're, when you have a baby in arms. So of course you can use breathing techniques 'cause you don't need your hands for that.
The other thing I really like to do is we tend to kind of look at the baby in a very sort of narrow focused, intense kind of way. And that visual mechanism is exactly what happens naturally to your eyes when you're in fight or flight, right? So if you do the opposite, which would be to open up your gaze and take in 180 degree view of what's happening in your face in the room.
And you don't even have to move your eyeballs like that Joanna, you can just literally think about, imagine you're taking in a sunset. Like think about softening your eye. Oh yeah, I see. And just letting your whole visual perspective open up. I call it panoramic vision, Right? So you're just taking everything in and just that will kind of trigger your brain to go,
oh, we're not in a stress state. It's when we're in that really intense focused state that things can kind of go awry because our brain can get a little confused by the information coming in from our eyes when it's that focused and narrow our vision. You know? And that's why I wouldn't recommend a parent prior to picking up the baby if they are trying to soothe themselves to look at their phone,
right? Like scrolling on social media is not gonna help you downregulate. Not just because of the content on social media, because that's one of the reasons, right? But the other reason is that your eyes are going into focus mode and we don't want that. We want your eyes to stay soft and opened and to take in 180 degree view. Wow.
Yeah. So that one's really powerful, right? Because I often say to families like, don't stare your baby straight in the eyes because they will actually get matter. But it kind of makes sense because if, if you are dysregulated and you're looking at your baby and they're looking at you like you guys kind of get locked into that. Whereas if you pick up your baby and you're maybe,
you know, taking in kind of the panoramic view and then you're breathing 'cause you're trying to co-regulate, right? So three breaths in and then six counts out, you know, then you're now co-regulating with your child in arms and we all know what this looks like, right? So the analogy I always give is, you know, if your baby, if your child or baby falls on the ground and bumps their head,
they're gonna be crying. You're absolutely gonna be picking them up. And usually when you pick them up, they're still crying in arms. And when they're in your arms calming down after bumping their head, they are co-regulating with you. They are crying in arms is fine. Like it is a, is a, a safe place to be to co-regulate. And as they calm they're still crying but they're getting,
you know, less and less and less until they're at a whimper and then they recover. That is fine. That's kind of what we're looking like co-regulation. That's what we want to see. We wanna see this coming down both for the child and for the parent. And then when the child's calm you can put them back in the crib, right? Yeah.
One thing you can do is what's called entrainment breathing, which can be kind of fun to play with with a child. Entrainment breathing is when you, if you are breathing is calm, but the person you're with, in this case the baby is not, you match their staccato irregular breath for just two, three seconds and then you start to slow your breath down.
Oh Wow. And that kind of helps them so they're on the same rhythm with you 'cause you've matched the way that they're breathing and then you start to slow your breathing down to a calmer pace and then they can kind of follow suit. And that can be really effective in that situation where you're holding your child That I can see how that could work really beautifully.
That's a very powerful tool. So as you can see everybody that you know there, there are these three zones you're going to inevitably be in when you're in sleep coaching mode. And each zone is an an opportunity for you to regulate yourself. And when you do that, you are literally helping your child's regulation system mature because you're showing them what like is is,
could I say the word right? Regulation looks like what? What is that you're Co-regulating with them so they're able to sort of match your tune if you will. And yeah, you're helping them learn how to regulate by showing them what a regulated nervous system looks like. Calm is contagious, right? So they're gonna pick up on that. There's a little bit of mirroring that happens.
So they're learning from from what you're doing, but it's also just that they don't know what to do and they're just gonna follow suit. They trust you, they're gonna follow suit with where you're at. If you feel safe and you show that through a regulated nervous system, then they will feel safe. If you are feeling, oh my gosh, this isn't working and I wanna get to my glass of wine and go to bed myself.
And so you start to upregulate a little bit, it's gonna be really hard to get your child to downregulate or to soothe. Right? Right. I wanted to see too in that second zone, 'cause we didn't really touch on that Joanna the second zone when you're reading the book and it, right. Am I correct on that's the second zone. It's the reading and the prepping for bed and everything.
You know, you might have your mind wander and you're thinking about your to-do list and you're thinking about, you know, is this gonna work? Or when do I get my downtime 'cause I'm really tired. Like all of that stuff that really happens naturally as parents. That's when mindfulness can really be helpful during that phase. Or you can focus on what you're hearing in the room or the,
the temperature of the room or the light in the room and all those little things that you can focus on to bring you into the present moment and to keep you grounded that way. 'cause otherwise if, if you're thinking about all that stuff, then you're not gonna be settled as you go into the the third zone. Right. Right. That, thank you so much.
I, I realize I skipped, I skipped a zone, but I'll on that note about you know, trying to detach yourself from like your to-do list. The other thing I often say is like, don't be thinking about the other caregiver outside the room. So for example, if dad is a sleep coach and mom's outside the room and you're afraid that you're gonna be judged Or she might be watching you on the monitor or she hears a cry,
she's gonna think you're doing it wrong. Like all of that happens right now when I'm working with clients, I like really help build a united front so that there's agreements made between partners about how mom is not to interrupt. Mom is, you know, not gonna text him because dad really does need to be really emotionally present because he's there to pay exquisite attention to his child.
Like that's really what's happening when you're really doing gentle sleep coaching. The parent is very emotionally present and is paying exquisite attention to their child and being very loving and very attentive. And in order to be that way, they have to be in the moment. And I always say to them, if you find yourself popping out, you know, thinking about that work project,
thinking about maybe you know, someone watching you on the monitor in that moment you pop out guarantee that baby's gonna start crying more. Yeah. Guarantee your nervous system isn't settled too, right? Yeah. And the, and the parent, the dad will say, God, you were so right. I found myself getting a little distracted and was thinking about some work deadline and that baby w that was literally about to fall asleep,
ramped up and was all like ding, you know? And I said, yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty remarkable what happens. Which is why, you know, I wanted Chantal to come today to talk to us more about how to stay properly regulated because ultimately it will make the sleep coaching process go way better and you will walk away with more tools that you can use outside of your sleep coaching environment.
Like I said, I'm in Chantal's book club for settled and I'm learning all these tools that I can use throughout my day, what I can do before a meal, what I can do between client calls, you know, all of that to stay really balanced and centered and calm so that I can be the best coach I can be and also the best human I can be.
You know, not to be upregulated all the time. So this has been so valuable, Chantal, thank you so much. Can you tell everybody more like how to find your book, how to find you, what, what other services are you offering these days if people wanna learn more about their nervous system? Sure. I have a company called Body Insight so if people go to body insight.com,
they can find out how to contact me, they can find out about my upcoming workshops. There I am on Instagram and Facebook at Body Insight Inc. Okay. And you can get my book settled, how to Find Calm in a Stress Inducing World that's available pretty much online where, where books are sold and what else? Hoping to have some workshops coming up soon.
I know I have an in-person one in Pasadena coming up in October. Okay, good. And she does, she does one-on-one coaching too. So if you want to say come to Chantal and be like, okay, these are all the things that are going on with me. Give me some customized tools and protocols that will help me. You do, you do one-on-one coaching in that way,
which I think is really valuable because if you want to get right to the heart of things, if you don't have time to read the book or time to do the workshop, but you want direct help, Chantelle is available for one-on-one coaching as well. So I will make sure that in the show notes all of that contact information is available. But I,
I do highly, in fact, can you hold up the book? Do you have the book read? I do. Mine's upstairs by my bedside, so there we go. That's the book. So I do recommend this and then, but her Instagram is awesome because she's constantly demo demonstrating tools on, so if you're more of a visual learner, the Instagram is a great place to go.
So thank you so much Chantelle, for helping us to, to learn more about her nervous system. Yeah, thanks for having me. I hope it helped. Yes.
Traveling with Newborns, Kids, and Toddlers: Tips for Maintaining Blissful Sleep
It's travel season! For families who finally have their kids taking predictable naps and enjoying beautiful, blissful sleep, the thought of disrupting that routine can be stressful. For families already sleep-deprived and struggling to get their child to sleep at home, the idea of managing sleep while traveling can be overwhelming. But don't worry! Managing your child's sleep while on vacation is possible, and I'm here to give you some tips to make everything easier.
Think Ahead While Packing to Maintain Optimal Sleep Environment
Bring a White Noise Machine or Small Fan:
This helps maintain your child’s sleep routine and comfort in a new environment. It’s also great for drowning out background noise if you’re room-sharing.
Pack Your Child’s Favorite Lovie, Stuffed Animal, or Blanket:
These familiar items can provide comfort and help your child settle more easily.
Plan for Your Child’s Sleeping Arrangement:
Crib: Call ahead to see if a crib is available or bring a pack-and-play.
Child Air Mattress: Great options are available if your child is sleeping in a bed.
Baby Equipment Rental: Consider renting baby equipment at your destination.
Manage Bright Rooms:
Bright rooms can be tricky for sleep. Products like SnoozeShade or SlumberPod provide a quick and easy fix, especially if you’re room-sharing. Check out my interview with the Creator of SnoozeShade for more insights!
Pack Sleep Sacks or Swaddles:
Ensure you pack these items (plus some backups) if your child is used to them.
Stick to Your Sleep Routine:
Whether it’s reading the same book every night or singing songs, pack what you need to maintain this routine as much as possible. Consistency helps children feel comfortable and know what to expect.
Enjoy Your Trip and Be Flexible
Remember, being consistent does not mean never changing the schedule or routine. It's important to be flexible and, most importantly, enjoy your trip! Don’t feel guilty if you need to offer your child a little more support while traveling to make them feel comfortable. When you get home, you can return to your normal schedule and routines.
Download My Free Summer Travel: What to Pack Checklist to Help Make Sure You Are Prepared!
You can also check out my video on Holiday Travel Tips and blog post on 7 Family Travel Tips for Summer for more travel tips!
If you are sleep-deprived and struggling with getting your child to sleep at home, and the overwhelm is taking the joy out of travel planning, hope and help are available. Reach out for personalized support to ensure your family can enjoy both restful sleep and wonderful travels.
Happy Travels!
If you are struggling with your child’s sleep and want to get it on track so you can consider traveling:
The first step to see if I can help you achieve beautiful, blissful sleep is to schedule a 60 minute ZOOM sleep strategy session. Go to this link and complete the contact me form and I will be in touch within 24 hours with directions on how to schedule your Sleep Strategy Session.
If you are still wondering if I can help, please know I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
Please join my Sleep is Bliss Tribe on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn so we can stay connected and you can continue to get amazing resources on sleep and family wellness.