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7-Year-Old Won't Sleep Alone? How Gentle Sleep Coaching Changed Everything
Many parents assume sleep problems should be over by elementary school, but that's simply not true. This family's 7-year-old struggled with bedtime anxiety, sleep dependence, and exhausting bedtime battles until they learned the right sleep strategies. With a customized plan, clear boundaries, and gentle support, their child gained confidence, slept independently, and the entire family experienced less stress and more freedom.
Today, we’re addressing a concern that resonates deeply with so many families—how to navigate the complex sleep issues of school-aged children amidst the whirlwind of their lives.
Navigating the sleep needs of school-aged children presents a unique set of challenges, often intensified by the bustling rhythm of their daily lives. From the classroom to the sports field, every day brings something new. But when it comes to bedtime, many families find themselves facing familiar hurdles:
Power struggles that begin at dinnertime, setting the stage for a night of frustration.
Anxiety about bedtime that looms large, overshadowing the quality family time
Endless bedtime battles that leave parents and children feeling drained.
Navigating sleepovers. If your child requires YOU to fall asleep, this will be a SOS call at midnight when the child is awake, anxious and embarrassed and wants to come home to sleep with parents.
I hope moms are honest about their child’s sleep struggles because you never know where help is available if you actually share. As your child gets older, there's less opportunity to kind of have these conversations because it kind of feels like parents “shouldn't” even be having sleep problems with a school-aged child. I encourage you to share your experiences with others, ask for help when you are struggling, share your
In this enlightening video, we confront these challenges head-on, exploring the story of a family with a 7 year old. Sometimes with an older child parents feel like they “shouldn't” be having sleep problems and therefore they don't know where to turn for help. Thankfully, Joyce was honest with a group of moms in her daughter's class and one of the other moms had successfully solved the same issue and was happy to share my services as a trustworthy resource.
Much like yours, this family faced not only the typical hurdles of establishing healthy sleep habits, but also contended with bedtime anxiety. Through their journey, we highlight the power of communication, the value of setting appropriate boundaries, and the importance of customizing sleep strategies that respect both the child’s needs and the family’s dynamic.
This video isn’t just about overcoming sleep challenges; it’s about reimagining bedtime as an opportunity for connection and calm, even in the face of busy schedules and external demands. It’s about empowering your child with the skills they need to embrace rest, irrespective of the day’s activities or the worries on their mind.
If you’re navigating the nuanced sleep needs of a school-aged child, caught in power struggles, or balancing a calendar brimming with activities, I invite you to watch our video. Discover how, with a little patience, understanding, and the right approach, you can guide your child towards restorative sleep, laying the foundation for happier days and healthier futures. Together, we can turn the challenge of bedtime into a blissful journey for your entire family. Your adventure towards peaceful nights and vibrant mornings starts here.
Joyce wants all exhausted parents to know:
“Sleep coaching can be done in a gentle way with just a little bit of patience. Sleep training in a very sweet and loving way to help kids understand their bodies, understand what to do, and calm their nerves. Joanna is a wonderful guide and cheerleader. There is nothing wrong with asking for help.”
So remember, don't let shame keep you from asking for help. I'm so glad that this family had a friend with a helpful and reliable resource to help solve the sleep struggles once and for all.
Whether you're tucking in a toddler or negotiating bedtime with a ten-year-old, I'm here to share a heartening message: it's never too late to foster healthy sleep habits in your children.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Absolutely.
Many parents assume sleep coaching is only for babies and toddlers, but sleep is a learned skill that can be improved at any age. I've worked with many school-age children who struggled with bedtime anxiety, night wakings, sleep dependence, and difficulty falling asleep independently. The strategies look different than they do for babies, but the results can be just as life-changing.
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Often, children develop a strong association between a parent's presence and falling asleep.
This isn't a sign that something is wrong. It's simply a pattern that has developed over time. The good news is that patterns can be changed with a thoughtful, gradual approach that helps children build confidence and independence.
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Yes.
Many children experience anxiety around bedtime, particularly if they worry about being alone, struggle with transitions, have busy schedules, or have become accustomed to parental support at sleep time. Addressing the anxiety while teaching healthy sleep habits is often the key to lasting improvement.
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No.
One of the biggest misconceptions I hear is:
"I should have fixed this years ago."
Sleep challenges can happen at any age. Whether your child is 7, 8, 9, or even older, it is never too late to improve sleep habits and create more peaceful evenings.
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Often, yes.
Sleep affects mood, emotional regulation, focus, learning, memory, and overall well-being. When children consistently get enough restorative sleep, parents frequently notice improvements in school performance, behavior, confidence, and family relationships.
What Parents Often See
Stalling, worry, repeated requests
Child needs parent present to fall asleep
Overtiredness and difficult mornings
Child seeks out parents overnight
Common School-Age Sleep Challenge
Bedtime anxiety
Parent-dependent sleep
Late bedtimes
Night wakings
The first step to see if I can help you achieve beautiful, blissful sleep is to schedule a 60 minute ZOOM sleep strategy session. Go to this link and complete the contact me form and I will be in touch within 24 hours with directions on how to schedule your Sleep Strategy Session.
If you are still wondering if I can help, please know I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
Please join my Sleep is Bliss Tribe in Facebook,Instagram and LinkedIn so we can stay connected and you can continue to get amazing resources on sleep and family wellness.
Sleep is Bliss, Let's Get you more!
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Well, hello, I'm Joanna Clark with Blissful Baby. Sleep Coaching, and I'm here with Joyce, a mom of an 8-year-old. Hi Joyce, how are you? Good. Hi, Joanna. So today we're gonna review the journey, her success story of working with an 8-year-old. So many, many families think that by the time they have an 8-year-old, that it's just the way it is that they will either like magically grow out of it and magically have beautiful sleep habits, or they feel like by the time they're eight, like I guess I just don't have a good sleeper and I guess I just got a bad lottery number, but Joyce is here to tell you something differently, right, Joyce? Absolutely.
I'd love to share our journey with Joanna. Okay. All right. So let's talk. So what did life look like with your 8-year-old daughter before you called me? So there was a lot of anxiety, a lot of frustrations, nor was waking up multiple times throughout the night. She needed us with her to sleep. She needed us with her when she woke up to get back into bed with her and get her back to sleep.
So things felt very claustrophobic, you know, we had to stay in the room and it, it, this could have taken up to three hours, sometimes a night. So there was not much time to do with my husband and even for myself even doing things around the house. So there was a lot of frustration and resentment as well. Yeah, yeah. And a lot of this kind of anxiety and frustration started around dinner, dinnertime. So Correct. It was like dinnertime started and all of a sudden it was like anxiety, power, struggle, negotiations, and then finally like lying with her, lying there, lying there, lying there until she fell asleep, only to find her waking up and traveling down to the master bedroom, wanting somebody to come back to the bed with her musical beds. Yes. You know, it was, Yeah, it, even, even dinner time was leading up to bedtime, like you said, where she would start getting anxious because she didn't wanna go to bed herself. So that was also a struggle. Right. Yeah. She, that just wasn't wanting to be alone. I mean, she was just frantic about needing someone in the room with her. Correct. At bedtime at, in the middle of the night. And it got more and more demanding. And of course, like you said, just it became kind of claustrophobic for everybody because Right. She just couldn't be satiated, you know? Right. So that's what life looked like before you called me.
So what then made you decide to ask for help? So it was, so, it was, it was really by coincidence. We have a mutual friend, NORS classmate, and we were just sharing our experiences and she highly recommended you. And we were at a point where we just had no solutions. We've tried everything we can, and so we, we decided to give you a call. Yes. And, and I'm happy. Happy we did. Exactly. And again, you know, like us moms, like we, you know, I mean, I hope us moms are honest about our struggles. Right. Because you never know where help is gonna be available to you if you actually share like,
wow, bedtime is kind of mayhem. Wow. We're up all night with her. And then that other mom is like, well, I totally get it, because that was me too. Exactly. And as your child gets older, there's less opportunity to kind of have these conversations because it kind of feels like we shouldn't even be having this problem when I'm Correct. 5-year-old, a 6-year-old, a 7-year-old, an 8-year-old, a 9-year-old, 10-year-old. But it's true, like there's a lot of parents that are still struggling with children's sleep, even in elementary school. And it is important for everyone to know it's never too late for your child to learn sleep skills. Absolutely. So I'm so glad that you, that you had a friend to talk to and that your friend had a resource for you.
Okay. So what was it like to go through the process? Like what did you love most about the, the gentle sleep coaching process with me and you guys? My dog back here. Yes. I know. I love it. That's, that's magic. He's all like, Hey, I'll be on the, I'll Be a part of it on the video.
Yes. Well, we loved having you with us as, as our kind of cheerleader, our guide, the cheerleader to our daughter and just helping us through the process, providing us with scientific information about sleep cycles, signs to be aware of with our children, of when they should be ready for beds. And we were not paying attention to any of these.
So having you with us every step of the way was a tremendous help. And even understanding a lot of these behavioral health and psychological and scientific things that could affect sleep. Right. And you guys are probably noticing mom is wearing scrubs, so she's a physician herself, right? Yeah. And so having kind of that science backed approach was really important to you.
Yeah. And I also know what you mentioned to me that you, that both you and your husband loved about the process was the teamwork element. Can you talk about that teamwork component? Yeah, absolutely. And The collaboration that, and also not only collaboration with your husband, collaboration with your daughter, that she was very much a part of this process.
Yes. So, you know, I'm, I'm a person that needs their sleep. So my husband and I, we had decided to, for him to help be the coach while I can get my rest. But, which, which was wonderful because, you know, our daughter had the structure of who's gonna be the coach and who's gonna be with her and someone reliable, somebody that's gonna be able to handle those evenings that were difficult, you know, the first couple of weeks. So, so having you guiding us and having Joe and I, my husband and I worked through the process, but really he, he, he was a great coach. Exactly. He was a great coach. And it, this is very much a team process.
This is a family system issue. When we have child who, you know, it's, it's really about getting the entire family, including the child, very much a part of the process. It becomes like a group project, really a family project. And so, you know, when I'm working with an older child, like they are absolutely part of the process.
We are having conference calls with them, right? They are, they know exactly what's happening. They have a say. They are, they get to e experience their pleasure or their displeasure. They get to experience their wins. We celebrate their wins. So it's incredibly collaborative with the child and, you know, and bridging and really creating unity Right. Between the parents and the, and the child. And one thing that, that your dad had, that dad had said that I thought was such a great, great analogy is that before starting this sleep training process, he had kind of a perception in the father figure role that he would have to kind of be like the brick wall, like the really tough guy. Like, I'm the dad, so therefore this is what we're gonna have to do. Correct. And then It turned out that he was so happy and you were happy and your daughter was happy that that is not what this process is at all. There is no brick wall. So can you talk about that part so that parents don't have this feeling that this is this rigid experience? 'cause it's not, it's, It's not. And I think, yeah, and I think every child is different and I think every approach is different. Yes. And you kind of have a recipe for every child. And so, you know, I don't think our recipe really followed maybe a lot of the, you know, other experiences that you had and, and you were kind enough to tailor it for our daughter.
And it was a very gentle approach. We, it took us maybe a little bit longer than normal, but we got to a point where we're very happy with where she's at. And it wasn't where we had to lock the door and tell her, okay, this is how it's gonna be. You're gonna deal with your feelings, you just have to stay in your room.
It was not like that at all, which was my fear initially. 'cause I don't believe in that disciplinary way. And, and it was, it was really nice that it was tailored to her personality. So she had severe anxiety like we talked about. And so we eased into a lot of the different techniques and strategies to get her to sleep on her own and, and stay in her room. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So super collaborative and super. Yeah. You know, really, again, like it became kind of her, her like she's at the point, in fact, let's just say this. Let's talk about what life looks like now. Right. That will explain how going from where we were to what we look like now and knowing it was a collaborative process.
We'll put all of this into context. So mom, what does it look like now? Tell us how ugly. So now And beautiful. Yeah. We, we all sit down for dinner. Everybody knows after dinner is we're going to go up and we're going to get ready for bed. And so there's no, there's no crying about that. There's no anxiety or fear about bedtime.
So we're enjoying a lot of different books, a lot of different classic books with our daughter. We'll read She'll, she's gotten very comfortable figuring out how to fall asleep. And so even just last night she was like, I'm trying to get comfortable in my bed. And I said, oh, okay. This is wonderful. I'm like, you know, do what you need to do. And so now she does not come to our room and she does not wake up. She does not wake me up. Which was another struggle that I was dealing with because, you know, I need my sleep and we don't have her in our bed. And so that's, that was our goal. Our goal was so she could be well rested.
She could feel like she has energy for the day, for a full day at school. She's improving in school, she's happier. So it, you know, it's like night and day. Yeah. It's like night and day. It's night and day. It's night and day. So it was like from dinner time throughout the night, it was just chaos and power struggle and arousal.
And now it's like pleasant family dinner. Like family dinner the way you hope it can be. Where exactly you're and laughing, easy bedtime. She's confident and happy, falling asleep. She stays asleep all night, she wakes up well rested, and then she goes off to school and is having a great day. She's Well rested And well rested. And she's like coming out with like better grades, better, like better everything. And just, and she says she feels better too. She actually told you guys that the other day. She's like, I feel right. She does. And she does. And she, and the other thing I'd like to add, she, if she can't sleep, she's figured out a way to not have us around, not need us. So she'll pick up a book and she'll read for a few minutes, right. And then try and go back to sleep again. So she's learned these skills on what to do without having us around all the time. Amazing. And I think that's huge. Yeah, it's Huge. So, you know, this is what my goal is, is that we want your children to have sleep skills so that they can go to sleep independently. And if they have an arousal, which they will, because all human have arousals, she knows how to go back to sleep without anybody doing something to and for her. Right. So, you know, she has sleep skills now, so therefore she has healthy sleep habits. And so now life is just easier. So, right. So my question to you now is, is if you were to meet a family, whether their child was six months old or eight years old, somewhere in between or 10 years old and they were sleep deprived and they had this belief that nothing will ever work for them, or they have a belief that doing some sleep coaching would would be mean or not nice.
Or they had a belief that oh, maybe their kid will just grow out of it. Like what do you want them to know about asking for sleep support now that you've been through this entire process? I mean, it, it's possible. It's possible. We have learned so much about, you know, psychological and, you know, systemic it, things that can affect sleep.
We have a lot more research and I think it can be done in a gentle way with it, with just a little bit of patience. And like you said, it's collaborative, so everybody's gotta be a team and we think you're just a wonderful guide that's helped us hours on end on, on the phone and, and been a cheerleader for our daughter, which is also helpful. Somebody that is not their parent to be able to let them know that they're doing a good job. So I do think it's possible gentle parenting is possible, which means that you could definitely sleep, train in a, in a very sweet and loving way Yes. And help them understand their bodies. Help them understand what to do.
Yeah. Yeah. To calm their nerves. And so these are skills that we have to teach our children. Yeah. They're not born knowing what to do. And so, you know, even humans nowadays need these skills and I think ands nothing wrong with asking for help. So Exactly. And exactly. And I, I remember what dad also said that I thought was really great is like just this idea of like,
don't doubt the process. Like be open. Yeah. Be open to the fact that there are multiple ways that we can go about creating the circumstances for the learning to come online. Yeah. And just being really open, like again, going from that brick wall, feeling like my only option is brick wall. And then realizing there were all these other options available to really work in this very sequential way. Right. Where the end result is everything you wanted, but you got there in a way you never even imagined. Correct. Yes. So thank you so much for trusting me and Absolutely thank you for Your time. And I'm so proud of all of you guys for all the work you've done. And now I get to say my favorite thing, which is welcome to the well Rested Family revolution.
Thank you, Joanna. We loved having you and getting to know you and everything about this process. Thank you. Thank you.