From Nap Trapped to Well-Rested: Monica and Tom’s Journey from Exhaustion to Empowerment
When Monica first reached out to me, she was in survival mode. Her 15-month-old daughter couldn’t sleep unless she was being held—for every nap, every bedtime, and every middle-of-the-night wake-up. The exhaustion was profound, the days isolating, and the nights a “tag-team” marathon.
And then there was Tom—what Monica lovingly called “Mr. Doomsday.” Tom is analytical, data-driven, and (as he puts it) “not one to be overly emotional,” Tom was skeptical that anything could change. But change is exactly what happened.
Life Before Sleep Coaching: “We were “nap trapped” and “night-shift swapping” just to survive.”
Monica described her days as “nap trapped”—spending hours in a dark room, holding her daughter for naps that were hard to get and short-lived. She couldn’t leave the room, let alone the house. At night, Tom would take the first shift, holding their daughter until 1:00 a.m., when Monica would take over until morning. They weren’t just tired; they were isolated, overwhelmed, and running on fumes.
As Monica put it:
“My alarm clock was 1:00 a.m. That was my wake-up time for the day.”
Tom’s perspective? Slightly more sardonic, but no less revealing:
“It was rough for me. We may not know when she would wake up and if she would go back to sleep.”
Looking Deeper: When Sleep Isn’t Just Behavioral
During our intake, it became clear that this wasn’t “just a behavioral sleep issue.” Their daughter had already been through a long journey of undiagnosed reflux, and eventually we uncovered another missing piece: low ferritin (iron storage)—which severely impacts sleep cycle architecture in children.
As Monica recalled:
“You were the first one who went through the intake and said, ‘This sounds like reflux.’ And later, you told us to check ferritin. Her level was 25—way too low for restorative sleep (needs to be 50 or above). Once we started supplementing, we noticed positive changes on her sleeping longer stretches”
This was a game-changer. As I often say, you can’t do behavioral sleep training when there are underlying medical obstacles. Once those were addressed, we could begin the real work, teaching their daughter how to sleep independently.
Sleep Training: Slow, Steady, and Strategic
We took a customized, step-by-step approach—always balancing their daughter’s readiness with Monica and Tom’s bandwidth. Every day, I checked in, adjusted the plan, and offered support.
Monica appreciated that flexibility:
“Each check-in wasn’t just about following a plan. It was: What’s working for my daughter? What’s working for us as parents? This made all the difference.”
Tom, ever the log-keeper, monitored every nap:
“You had it! You were there! And then you popped back up.”
“At least I didn’t have to be physically in there wrestling her the whole time. That’s an improvement.”
And sure enough, the improvements started stacking up. Their daughter began falling asleep in under 15 minutes. Nap durations lengthened. Crib time became happy time. Even bedtime became flexible, either parent could successfully and easily handle bedtime.
Life Now: More Sleep, More Freedom, More Joy
Monica now gets to do something she once only dreamed about: put her daughter down for a nap and walk out of the room.
“She just plays and then falls asleep. I’m not stuck in there. I can hear her giggling—and then she’s out.”
Their daughter now sleeps 10.5 to 11 hours every night and takes solid naps during the day. She even wakes up happily, saying, “Morning!” before Monica enters the room. It’s not just about sleep—it’s about freedom, health, and joy.
Tom sums it up with his signature dry humor:
“This was a very significant forward movement. She’s going to sleep, I am enjoying it. I’m actually getting to do some stretching and exercising again” “Now we can vacuum and do other stuff. Next goal: teaching her to sleep through the vacuum noises.”
The Real Transformation: From Surviving to Thriving
This wasn’t just a sleep fix—it was a family transformation.
As Monica shared:
“There’s this idea that being exhausted just comes with parenting, but when it starts impacting your ability to connect with your child and your partner, something has to change.”
Now, they’re going on family outings, attending church again, and reconnecting as a couple. They’re no longer just surviving-they’re living. And as I always say: You belong to the well-rested family revolution now.
Final Thoughts: “Even when it seems impossible, there is help.”
If you’re reading this at 2:00 a.m. and thinking, “That sounds like us, but I don’t think we could ever get there”—I want you to know you’re not alone.
Tom and Monica were right where you are. They didn’t have the bandwidth to figure it out on their own, and they weren’t even sure help was possible.
But it was. And it is.
All it takes is the right support, at the right time, tailored to your unique child.
Ready for your own sleep transformation? Let’s Talk.
If you’re thinking, “Okay, I kinda-sorta-maybe want to try this, but I still have questions,”—that’s what I’m here for.
Let’s start with an easy first step, schedule a Sleep Strategy Session so me, you and your partner can have an 1 hr long zoom session so I can properly assess the sleep situation and determine if you need one-on-one sleep coaching support.
Let’s get your baby sleeping—and get YOU your sanity back.
If you are still wondering if I can help, please know I do NOT advocate 'cry-it-out'. I am a Gentle Sleep Coach. If you want to learn about my guilt-free and gentle process, please go to these links.
The Blissful Baby Stairway to Sleep
Please join my Sleep is Bliss Tribe in Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn so we can stay connected and you can continue to get amazing resources on sleep and family wellness.
Sleep is Bliss, Let's Get you more!
-
Well, hello, I'm Joanna with Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching and I'm here with Monica. Hi, Monica. Hello. We are doing a success story for her daughter who was, I guess we started sleep training at. She was 15. She was 15 months old when we started sleep training. Yeah. Or when we started. When we started the process. I'll say. Yeah, exactly. So let's start at the beginning. What was life like before you called me and why you called me?
So, yeah, we, life was just kind of a slog. We were, you know, we had. She would not sleep unless she was sleeping on us. Even when she was sleeping on us, it seemed like it was getting harder and harder to get her to sleep, to get her to stay asleep. So, you know, so nap times, you know, you'd fight to get her to sleep. It take, you know, it'd be 40 minutes to an hour of like rocking, bouncing, walking, maybe eventually get her to sleep, maybe not.
It just depends. And then you'd have to sit there holding her for the next, you know, however long she slept, which sometimes wasn't very long, 30, 40 minutes sometimes. And then nighttime, she also wouldn't sleep unless she was being held. And so, you know, my husband would take her for, until about 1:00 in the morning. And then I'd get up, my alarm clock was 1:00 in the morning.
That was my getting up time for the day. And I'd take her at one and then I'd keep her until he could, you know, give me a break after, after work so I could go get sleep for four or five hours and get up and do it again. Okay. So I want to kind of paint this picture for you guys. All right, so mom was completely nap trapped in the daytime shift with a child that needed two naps a day.
So she fought for a nap in the morning and then was nap trapped in the room with the baby the whole time. The baby had to be in arms and then she'd roll into the second nap and fight to get the nap to happen and then have to be in arms with the baby in the dark room. So Ms. Monica was not out and about. No, Ms. Monica wasn't getting anything done and she had no personal time and forget about being out and about in the world.
I couldn't get out and about in the house to like do dishes or anything, you know. Exactly. Because then when bedtime came around, yes, you got a little bit of a break because dad took the, the p, you know, the shift from bedtime until one amount. But she had to be in arms, in the dark room, in a person's arms to go to sleep and stay asleep. If they tried to transfer her, she would not go.
There was no transfer opportunity at all. So you guys just got into the point where you're like, all right, well, I'll hold her until 1am and then you would come in and do this, you know, a little transfer to Monica's arms. And then Monica would be in the big chair holding her the rest of the night. And then dad would come in and take her in the morning and feed her breakfast.
Actually, no, I just, he. Because he only got five or six hours of sleep. So basically I just had to keep going until he got off going until he got off work. Yeah. And then she was back to being nap trapped. So it was a severe situation. It was one of the most severe situations of, of a child just relentlessly needing a parent at every segment of onset of sleep and every arousal all night long.
And so when Monica landed at my doorstep, I was like, all right, there's something else going on here besides just a child with broken sleep. So do you want to talk about kind of that experience of seeking help and what led from, you know. Yeah, so she had difficulty with sleep and a lot of crying from early on in, you know, with all of it. And so, you know, and our doctor, Our doctor honestly just told us, well, some babies just cry.
And that was her response to it. And so it makes you kind of feel a little bit hopeless as far as like being able to figure it out or be able to do anything, because, you know, that was a lot of it too, especially in the early months is there was a lot of crying as well, trying to help her with everything. And so we actually talked to it at four months originally, just because we were just, you know, so tired and so just not getting much progress or anything.
And you were the first one that was like, you know, kind of went through some of the stuff from the intake and everything else and was like, it sounds like there might be some, some reflux going on. And you went through the list of symptoms was not that you were diagnosing anything but saying, if this is a thing, these are, this is kind of the next steps you might need to take.
And so, so that was a, that was the first part. And it turns out, yeah, she has, she definitely has reflux issues. And you know, for us it was quite a while of dealing with that just because she had several different things going on for the reflex. And it took us a while to kind of get all of that figured out. And then we were hoping, once we got the reflux figured out, that maybe she would just kind of start sleeping on her own because occasionally, especially earlier on, she would sleep in the crib for, you know, a couple hours here and there, but that's not what happened.
By the time we got the reflux and stuff figured out, she just was getting to a point. I think part of it was she had just learned not to sleep in the crib because she just didn't get much of an opportunity since she was having so much reflux. But then we also noticed that her sleep quality just kept getting worse and worse. So I think she was about a year old.
So I guess it was actually maybe 12, 13 months when we kind of got back in touch with you again and started talking. And then he had a whole bunch more questions for us before we started sleep training. Yes. And what we discovered was baby girl had low ferritin. And lo, ferritin is the iron storage. How the body uses the nutrients it receives and metabolizes and creates iron storage.
It is very different than iron levels. When you think of iron levels and anemia, it's different. First you have to have ferritin, which is your iron storage, and then that transfers into how it's being used. So her. And we know that if a child has low ferritin under 50, their sleep cycles will be dramatically compromised. And so all of a sudden it was like, let's go get her ferritin changed or checked.
And when. What was her. What was her number? I believe it was 25. Yeah. So she was 25. When anything below 50 means compromised sleep cycles. So then it was like, ding, ding, ding, ding. Now wonder this child needs to be held at every single sleep cycle. And it was such a relief because it was like, all right, well, this is solvable, right? Like, we have a medical condition that is inhibiting her capacity to sleep.
Well, it doesn't mean. Because before then it was like, oh, this baby. You know, I mean, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but, like, what did you think? I mean, were you like, oh, my God, my baby's never going to sleep, or she's just a bad sleeper, or had you been kind of perceiving her? So what? I mean, I think I saw, you know, because I would see every once in a while when she didn't seem like she was hurting or didn't seem like she was having a hard time, that she actually did have some good sleep.
So I just felt like there was something more that we could do. I think it'd be easy to tell that story that she's not a good sleeper, but it was just like, I don't think that's what it is, you know, something deeper than that. Yeah, exactly. So the reason why I really wanted Monica to come on, talk about her story is that, you know, there's behavioral modification, which is what sleep training is, and then there are medical conditions that can inhibit the sleep cycles.
And unless you look at all the potential medical conditions that can inhibit, you can't even do sleep training. So the first time Monica came to me, it was like, okay, wait, let's make sure there's no medical conditions. Oh, we've got, we've got reflux and we've got a tongue tie. Okay, let's go manage that. Okay, great. Now let's come back and reevaluate our. Is she ready? Let's double check.
Let's double check our little list. Oh, Ferritin. Okay, now we got to get the ferritin up. And then once we got the ferritin up, then we were in a position to do the behavioral modification. And we had, you know, worked slow and steady. And so maybe you could talk about what that experience was like to, to work slow and steady over the course of about six weeks to help her learn her skills.
Well, I mean, even before we started with the. I mean, even before the six weeks started, or I'm trying to think exactly timeline wise, but I mean, even just finding the ferritin and getting the. I think it was within, like, for us, I know it, I know it varies for people. So but for us, once she got a. Started getting some good, better iron supplementation, she. It was like three or four days.
And we started to notice that instead of being super restless, even when we were holding her to sleep or, you know, I was having. Right before the iron, it seemed like she would wake up and be awake for an hour and a half to two hours each night, even with me trying to hold her and, and rock her back to sleep. And so within, within just a few days was starting to have the iron.
We noticed that she would, she was actually having times where she would sleep fairly still in one position. I mean, we were still holding her, but she was sleep fairly still in one position, which was huge. And again, I feel like, I feel like our doctor and stuff was helpful, but they don't do sleep all day every day. And so they didn't have kind of the background to, you know, so even when they saw the, the ferretin they were like, oh it's, it's okay.
You know, it's not terrible because they don't again, they didn't have that background to say well it's got to be 50 to have the sleep cycles and stuff. And that's. But she was supportive and helped us get there. But I will say that you were the one that even helped us find the iron that she would take because she was not excited about anything with any kind of flavor to it whatsoever.
Even though there were some that tasted, I mean I tasted them, they tasted fine. But it wasn't until you found a tasteless one and that's where she really was. Know, we got a little, a lot farther there. But yeah, then once we started, I mean I will say the first night of sleep training was not good. I mean and again that's just like it wasn't, wasn't that it was the wrong thing, it just was hard.
But you know, you were there for like every, you know, like okay, as we start the process, here's what to expect. And so we expected that first night was not going to be good. Here's how you, you know, like here's where we can go with it. But what I really appreciated, I think was, you know, it's like we started based on where she was in that moment. But then each, you know, as we did each check in, it would be really checking in with how she was doing, how we were doing and then also kind of looking at, you know, okay, well here's kind of the next steps we need to take.
But is it going to work better for you and where your family is right now to do this and you know, where she is to do this or to do this. And so there were always a couple of different options to look at so that we could kind of see, you know, what was best for her. Which was huge because you know, I think there's, there's just different things that work better for different people and just where, you know, where and how things are going in each moment.
Yeah. So everything I do is really customized to the family. So the reason why, you know, we, I do, you know, lots of check ins. Right. So I talk to you on the day that you're starting your actual sleep training. I talk to you the night after and then the second night after and the third night after and the fourth night after. Because all we have to do is look to see what's working for the child and make the appropriate adjustments just for that one day then we can evaluate how that was and then make the next adjustment.
And in the adjustments we're always looking at what the child is showing their readiness for. And I'm checking in with the parents to see what their readiness is. So there's this very, very delicate balance between what the child is showing readiness for and what the parents have the bandwidth or capacity. Right. Do. And so it's not cookie cutter at all. It's very, very customized and it very real time customization because it's based on the data from the night before.
And I know that with, you know, a complex case with your daughter where there had been a lot of medical conditions, we had to go slow and steady, still waiting for the ferritin levels. We got them up to about, you know, as close to 50 as we could before we started coaching. But we were still waiting for kind of, we were waiting to see how well her sleep cycles would consolidate while.
And, and that's why we went really slow and steady because we had to keep monitoring all these different factors. Right. Well, but that was another, I was gonna say that was another thing that you, that I felt like you really worked with us as a family too because I think that if we were going to wait for the ideal time for the ferritin, we might have waited another week or two for the sleep training.
But we were also just like, we were so, so exhausted and just getting so to the end of our rope that it was like, well let's, let's go ahead and start, let's see what we can do. And, and you know that. And it was also really helpful for me too because when you're that exhausted, everything new is overwhelming. To know that each day we're going to kind of check in and we, you know, okay, we only have to worry about this day and what we're doing right here and then, and then the next thing, you know, versus having, you know, some, some big plan that we have to figure out all at once.
All at once. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So like that's my whole motto is small incremental sequential steps based on the child's readiness and the parents bandwidth will ultimately get us to where we want to go. And in the case of Monica and her family, we got there in six weeks which is astounding considering that there was so much medical stuff in inhibiting our progress, not even inhibiting where, where we're kind of behind the scenes that then once they started to clear it created this new opportunity for the learning to come online.
And that's what's just so beautiful about your story is that no, no. You know, like people often say I don't have hope. There's no way someone could help me. There's no way. Especially a woman like on, on the Internet. Like I'm in California and you guys are like in New Mexico or Colorado. Yeah, Colorado. Okay. And so it's kind of like, okay, you know, yes, you can be helped.
Anybody that's hearing Monica's story, if Monica and Tom can be helped, you can be helpful. Okay. So mom, what is, what does life look like now? Like what what is, what does her sleep cycles look like now? Well, I mean, I will say that we are right now having a conversation while she's taking a nap. And I'm not stuck in a room with her. She's just sleeping, well in her crib right now.
She, today she's still, she's still, she still has opinions sometimes about being left in the crib. But today I put her down and she just started playing and then went to sleep fairly quickly. And you know, I mean it doesn't always go quite that smoothly but, but she still will go to sleep on her own. We can put her down to bed. She's usually ready really early and we put her down to bed and we usually about 11.
So she'll sleep 10 and a half to 11 hours but she'll usually stay in her crib for another 20 or 30 minutes after that before she's fully awake and ready to, to get up. And you know, I usually go in, we turn the light on and she'll, she'll start, she's, she's almost 18 months old but she'll, she'll tell me morning when I come in. Isn't this amazing? Okay, so let me, let me just paint this picture to you.
Okay. Monica is able to have this conversation because her baby's sleeping in the middle of the day and she got to do a hands free nap. Meaning put her in the crib, walk out the door, she can hear her giggling and talking to herself and the kid falls asleep and stays asleep. Then in the evening, put her in the crib, walk out the door 10.5 to 11 hours reliably every single night.
Then wakes up in the morning and is happy in her crib. So much so that she can hang out for 20 or 30 minutes playing and talking to herself before mom has to go in. Did you ever think this was possible, Mom? No, we were, we were hoping that it would be possible for us to get some sleep but just the idea of having her reliably sleep overnight, that just.
That felt out of range, really. And the baby wakes up, well, restaurant and says, good morning. I mean, it just like. It's just like. It's like a Hallmark card. It's so good, right? Yeah. Yes. So what. What has become possible for you or the household now? Like, what are you dreaming of now that you're well rested? Like, that's maybe something else you can talk about is kind of like how your sleep debt is clearing.
Yeah. So, I mean, the first. The first couple of months when she started sleeping, like, we were. We were happy about it, but it was hard to, like, truly celebrate because we were just still so exhausted, you know, like you. We were finally getting sleep, but you'd wake up and feel like you really still hadn't had sleep. And so now we're just starting to get to that point where it's like, oh, I can actually wake up, feel like I have, you know, bandwidth and.
And everything to do stuff. And it. It is interesting that things do start to feel, you know, more possible. You know, we're starting to do more of taking her to the library and. And going to the park and just, you know, meeting friends to go, you know, eat lunch or something. I remember when we were in the middle of the. Just being up all night and all of that, I remember a couple of people who told us, you should get her out more often.
And I just wanted to smack him because, like, couldn't. We couldn't do anything because we were so tired. And it's. It now it's kind of easy to go out. I mean, as easy it is as it ever is with a toddler to go out and do things because we're getting enough sleep that that's. That's actually easy. We can. We can actually do a few things around the house that are not just, you know, trying to get laundry and dishes done before.
Before we have a health hazard, you know, and that's it. And I can actually work on, you know, trying to regain some strength and, you know, all of the back and hip stuff that I started getting because of sitting in a chair for hours every night and hours every day, you know, I can. I can finally start to work on that and move better. And I always. Before.
Before she was born, I was always. I enjoyed hiking and stuff. And now we haven't quite figured out how to get all that back in there, but I know that it's. I know that we can get back to some of that. Yep. Yeah. Spring is coming and the sleep debt is clearing, and you guys are already feeling more vitality and more energy and more possibility. I mean, you said, you said that you guys had a great Sunday this Sunday that you went to church.
Then you got really groovy, and we're like, go to brunch. Right? Let's go to the playground too. Yeah. And you were still home in time for nap and you were like, we went to the. Yeah, we went to brunch, took a nap, and then. And then left again to go to the park. Yep. Yep. Well, and then the other thing too is because my husband and I were just.
We had to be on shifts so much. I mean, basically we were on shifts and we never really saw each other that much. And, you know, now, you know, in the evening, we actually have a chance to chat and catch up ourselves and, you know, all. All of that stuff. So all of that, all that simple stuff is what makes daily life better living and definitely in a better living zone.
Now the baby's sleeping, well rested, you guys are clearing your sleep debt. You have more time for each other and for yourself. And now you can start doing family outings. And it's like that. It seems like so simple, but it's like, it's such a game changer when it happens because that was not your life at all before. It was two separate worlds. Day ti, night shift, each parent with baby, all day, all night.
It just. No. No handsfree time at all. No hands. Right. Right. Okay. So what if you met a family that was sleep deprived and overwhelmed and they were either afraid to call for help or didn't know where to start, or were had assumptions and negative assumptions about sleep training. Having gone through all of this and worked with me, what would you want them to know now? Well, I think one of the things that I would want people to know is because I think there's just kind of.
I don't know, it's almost like there's a lot of parents who kind of seem to just think that, well, you know, the, the fact that sleep is not going well, that's. That's just part of life, of being a, you know, being a new parent or whatever. And. And yeah, I suppose maybe a little bit, but not. Not to that level, not to that degree. And, and when you are having sleep debt at the, at the point where it's affecting your ability to interact with your family, to interact with your child, you know, I.
And I think too, maybe there's some shame in thinking, well, we should just be able to figure it out or we should just be able to, to do what needs to be done. And, and you know, I wouldn't want anybody to have those kinds of thoughts to, to keep them from doing something about it because, you know, I mean, I know for us the reason that we started looking for you or looking for someone looking for help was that we're like, we don't even know where to start and we don't know how long to try to keep going and we didn't have any bandwidth to try to figure it out.
And so I mean, I would want somebody to say, you know, let's, let's, you know, I'd want somebody to know that, you know, somebody, there are people out there who can help you, who can help you kind of figure out the step by step when you don't have the bandwidth to figure out the step by step and that, and that even when it seems impossible, there is, you know, there are improvements that can happen and big improvements that can happen.
Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I so much appreciate it. And, and you know, I think you get to now officially join the well rested Family Revolution. That's what I say that when families work with me, they, they're in a very new club called the well rested Family Revolution. And I just appreciate you trusting me and allowing me this privilege to bring you guys into a whole new way of living so that your child is getting all their sleep needs met for their own growth and development.
And you personally are getting your sleep needs met so you can be the mom and have the family life that you always dreamed of. Well, and I, I mean, I can't say thank you enough both for, you know, the, the changes that it's made, but also, you know, it was hard to find much support, you know, as we were going through trying to figure out all these different things.
Again, there's a lot of well meaning people out there, but they were just kind of like, well, I don't know, they just kind of threw up their hands and, and to have somebody who was like, no, I can help you and here's, you know, I can help give you some of the step by steps like that was, that was huge. It just, you know, really helped us out.
Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you.